By Cindy Olson McQuay

Michelle Madrid, now an adoptee empowerment coach, was adopted by an American couple when she was a baby in the United Kingdom. Growing up, she experienced the complex emotional challenges and disturbances familiar to many adoptees, including anger, distrust, and feelings of unworthiness. She addresses these issues, as well as other often unaddressed repercussions such as PTSD, suicide risk, and fear of abandonment, in her book, Let us Be Greater: A Gentle, Guided Path to Healing for Adoptees.

Even though the book is addressed to adoptees, I highly recommend it for everyone. It’s an enlightening guide to personal and collective transformation. Combining introspective reflection with actionable advice, Madrid inspires readers to grow personally while contributing to their communities and the world.

Organized into sections on self-improvement and social responsibility, Madrid uses personal anecdotes, motivational insights, and practical exercises to guide readers on a journey of self-discovery, resilience, and leadership. Her engaging and accessible writing, filled with real-life examples, adds authenticity and depth to her message. Each chapter concludes with practical exercises and reflection prompts to help readers apply the concepts and track their progress.

It’s an inspiring guide for anyone looking to improve themselves and make a difference. Madrid’s comprehensive approach to personal development, engaging style, and actionable advice make this book a valuable resource for readers at any stage of their growth journey. Whether for overcoming personal challenges, developing stronger relationships, or taking on leadership roles, this book provides the tools and inspiration needed to achieve your goals and contribute to the greater good.

Cindy Olson McQuay was adopted at three months old, and that has always been a core part of her identity. From a young age, she wanted to uncover her origins and understand her story. Her adoptive parents fully supported that quest. When she turned 18 and tried to obtain her adoption records and original birth certificate, she faced significant challenges common to many in the adoption community. This struggle ignited her passion for advocating for the rights and needs of adopted people. She works to raise awareness about the trauma of separation, promote family preservation, and expose flaws in the adoption industry and foster care system. With the rise of DNA testing, she became a search angel, particularly helping Amerasians identify their American GI birth fathers. She has a wonderful husband of 32 years with whom she’s raised three remarkable adult children who, along with their three grandchildren, bring them immense joy. She pours her heart and soul into Healing Retreats for Adoptees, DCPs, LDAs, and NPEs; Hiraeth Hope & Healing, Inc., which she co-founded in 2019.

In 2024, Hiraeth Hope & Healing, Inc. will celebrate its fifth year of bringing together people from all walks of life who’ve been affected by adoption trauma and surprise DNA test results revealing that one or both of their parents are not biologically related to them—typically referred to as NPE (not parent expected). In these five years, it’s served more than 300 people on their DNA journeys, primarily through the hosting of three small group in-person retreats each year (with a maximum of 30 attendees), as well as bi-weekly Zoom meetings, weekly Book Club Zoom meetings, and several Facebook groups and group chats.

After another successful retreat in April 2024, in Surf City, New Jersey, Hiraeth Hope & Healing is preparing for its next gathering, to be held in Scottsdale, Arizona July 2024. As always, attendees will gather in a fully appointed luxury home for five days and four nights of laughter and tears as they meet new friends and old and participate in sessions with a team of facilitators to heal in a welcome and safe setting. During the retreat, attendees will take part in both small and large group sessions with licensed clinicians and therapists to learn how to recognize and reconcile the trauma, confusion, and upheaval of both adoption and shocking DNA discoveries. As one of the Hiraeth Hope & Healing founders, Erin Cosentino, always says, “Nothing has changed, yet EVERYTHING has changed.”

But it’s not all serious. Attendees also heal in the mundane moments, such as a morning cup of coffee with a new friend or while helping prepare dinner. They spend evenings together playing games like Cards Against Humanity and Jenga or split off in small groups chatting by the pool or gathered around the fire pit enjoying adult libations. Hiraeth Hope & Healing’s motto, Togetherness Heals, shines in these day to day activities attendees enjoy with each other.

This October, Hiraeth Hope & Healing will celebrate its fifth anniversary with a retreat in South Haven, Michigan, on Lake Michigan, that promises to be its best!

Here’s what some past attendees have said about the retreats:

• “Incredible experience of togetherness with people who get it.” Cassandra, NJ.
• “There were great workshops by skilled licensed facilitators, fun activities and games, and down-time to just chat. Friendly and supportive group. What a transformative experience. Loved it!” Michelle, DE.
• “Amazing group of people…If you are an NPE, MPE (misattributed parentage experience), DC (donor conceived person), adoptee, LDA (late discovery adoptee), this is the perfect place to find help & healing.” Sandy, PA.
• “This group has been life-changing in the most positive way.” Peggie, VA.
• “I highly recommend these retreats for all NPEs, DC, LDAs, and adoptees.” Heather, CT.

Hiraeth Hope & Healing, formed as a nonprofit in 2023, is a grassroots organization focused on compassionate group healing and therapeutic activities. Its founders and board members, Cosentino, Cindy McQuay, and Annie Persico, are part of the adoptee/NPE community and are very active in the DNA surprise world. The concept of small healing retreats was born at a meet and greet that took place in 2019, where Cosentino and McQuay first met. They agreed that the one night just wasn’t enough, so they soon came up with the idea of a weekend retreat. In October 2019, the first retreat was held in Brigantine, New Jersey over a three-day weekend. Again, that just wasn’t enough, and after much discussion (interrupted by COVID), the idea of extending the retreat over four or five days took shape and became what it is today. Now, Hiraeth Hope & Healing hosts three retreats each year in large luxury homes all over the United States. Find more information here.

Photos by @abbyyedmanphotography

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Following the success of last year’s event, the second annual DNA Surprise Retreat is set to take place from September 19-22, 2024, at the picturesque Saguaro Lake Ranch outside of Phoenix, AZ. This retreat is designed for those who have experienced life-altering discoveries through consumer DNA tests, providing a supportive and healing community.

The inaugural retreat was met with overwhelmingly positive feedback, with participants finding solace, understanding, and camaraderie among peers who shared similar experiences.

At the 2024 retreat, attendees will benefit from expert-led sessions on topics such as generational trauma, parts work, and betrayal trauma. In addition, the retreat will offer rejuvenating yoga and breathwork sessions led by seasoned facilitators, ensuring a holistic approach to healing.

Co-founder Alexis Hourselt, who faced her own DNA surprise in 2021 upon learning that the man who raised her was not her biological father, expressed the transformative impact of these retreats. “My DNA surprise completely upended my sense of identity,” said Hourselt. “Navigating new family relationships and feeling a profound sense of betrayal was incredibly isolating. But through this community, I found that I was not alone.”

Hourselt co-founded the retreat with Debbie Olson, who discovered in 2019 that her estranged father was alive after being told he had died. “We’re thrilled to continue creating spaces where people can come together, share their stories, and heal,” said Olson.

Hourselt and Olson are committed to continuing this vital support network. “No one expects their world to be turned upside down by a DNA test,” said Hourselt. “It’s essential for people to know they are not alone and that there is a community ready to help.”

For more information and to register for the retreat, visit www.dnasurpriseretreat.com.