For many of us, DNA test results have delivered news that’s made nothing in our world seem normal. Our families may not be our families. The truths we’ve known may not be truths at all. We’ve been upside-down, turned around, and left looking for some kind of foothold—a way to ground ourselves in this new unreality. Then came a virus and a quarantine that have made everyone’s lives anything but normal. On top of that, an unprecedented political climate along with civil unrest have been both globally and personally destabilizing. If that weren’t enough, bring on the holidays, which for some in the best of times are difficult, stressful, and grief-inducing. But this year, even those who typically find the season joyful may experience sadness, disappointment, and grief.

If you experience anxiety, it’s likely been magnified in (or by) 2020. If you’ve experienced trauma, the fear and isolation caused by the pandemic may be retraumatizing. If you’ve been alone in quarantine or can’t spend the holidays with the people you love, your loneliness may seem overwhelming. Even if you’ve been holding your own, the common sorrow—the empathy and compassion fatigue for all who are struggling—may be depleting you. This state of life as we know it now may be getting on your last nerve.

If, as so many of us have, you’ve attempted to cope by overeating, drinking, catastrophizing, or hiding under the covers, you’re not alone. As we near the end of this off-the-charts bad year, we may all need self-care, but are too weary to make the effort. Among our resolutions may be to do better, perhaps even to seek the therapy many of us need to help us find our sure footing in our personal strange new world and in the strange new world everyone now inhabits. But there’s one little thing we can do to help ground ourselves in minutes—and it involves something many of us have been missing—a hug.

One mindful technique that can help keep you rooted in the moment and prevent you from focusing on worries is the butterfly hug. It’s a technique often taught by therapists who practice EMDR so that their clients can self-soothe outside of sessions. EMDR (which will be the topic of an upcoming article) stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. Developed serendipitously by Francine Shapiro, PhD, it’s one of a number of evidence-based therapeutic modalities used to treat trauma and other painful experiences. It’s based on the principle of bilateral stimulation. While clients discuss an aspect of their painful experiences, they watch a rapid repetitive movement back and forth—possibly lights or the therapist’s finger moving across their fields of vision. It’s an approach that’s been proven to positively alter thinking and feelings relative to experiences—processing the trauma, defusing memories, and allowing people to be more present and less attached to the past. It produces a change in the neural networks that in turn produces a cognitive change.

The butterfly hug is a way to self-administer bilateral stimulation to reduce arousal. It was created in 1998 by Lucina Artigas, MA, MT, while working in Mexico with survivors of Hurricane Pauline. Simple to perform, you can do it any time you feel stressed, notice distracting negative thoughts, or are preoccupied with worries about the future. Make yourself comfortable sitting or reclining. Close your eyes if you wish. Lay your left hand across the right side of your chest and your right hand across the left. Link your thumbs so that your hands look like butterfly wings. Position your hands so your fingertips point upward toward the neck and rest them near your collarbone or your upper chest. Inhale deeply and exhale. Then—while thinking about what’s troubling you—tap your fingers on your chest in an alternating fashion, first your left hand tapping on your right side, then your right hand tapping on your left side, your hands moving like butterfly wings at whatever pace and pressure you like. Notice what your senses perceive: sounds, smells, images, feelings. Be aware of your thoughts without judgment and without trying to influence them. Repeat until you notice a sensation of greater calm and a reduction in negative thoughts. Inhale deeply and exhale. That’s it. It doesn’t take long to soothe yourself. In her protocol, Artigas advises doing the hug for no more than six to eight times to avoid overstimulation, but some practitioners suggest that it can be done for several minutes and can be repeated until you sense an increased feeling of calm. The technique will not eradicate anxiety, but it will bring it down a notch or two, which sometimes is just enough to make the days more manageable.

Click here for a video describing the method.

Keep in mind, the butterfly hug is a method of self-soothing but doesn’t take the place of therapy for extreme anxiety or PTSD. If you’re experiencing severe symptoms or if the hug increases your anxiety, talk with a mental health professional.  

When I visited Venice, Italy many years ago, what struck me most—after the gorgeous skies and the pastel colors that washed the ancient buildings and danced on the water—was the singing, the music of daily life that spilled out of windows, echoed in the alleys, and skated across the canals. The city had a soundtrack like no other. It was the voices of women singing while they cooked, old men serenading their neighbors, children chirping nursery rhymes. It wasn’t the individual voices that were impressive, but the way they merged to create something bigger than the sound of each voice alone.

That’s what’s happening during the COVID-19 pandemic—voices are rising up and the citizens of the world are spontaneously creating a soundtrack to an event that’s unprecedented in our lifetimes. In these uncertain days, people are soothing themselves and others by singing in unison, harmonizing from windows and balconies, in the streets at a social distance, and, especially, alone together via Zoom.

Grieving, grateful, fearful, angry, and hopeful, they’re transforming their emotions and lifting one another’s spirits. You’ve seen it: the singalongs, the Jimmy Fallon remixes, parodies, quarantine livestreams, virtual concerts, impromptu block choirs, and the heartfelt balcony tributes to healthcare workers. Across social media people are merging their voices. And for good reason. Singing with others has the power to create community and connectivity at the same time that it’s physically and emotionally healing.

There was a time when singing together was a common occurrence. Music bonded people in times of mourning, during celebration, and in worship. It’s been part of healing and spiritual ceremonies since time began. But for some of us, singing in assembly in grade school was the last time we sang with people. And for others, singing as a communal activity occurs only in places of worship. “Singing together is a marvelous thing,” trauma expert Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD, told Dani Shapiro on her Family Secrets Podcast. “It really makes you feel cheerful, optimistic, and connected. But we don’t sing anymore.”

We should. In a YouTube video from the National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine (NICAB), Van Der Kolk, author of “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma,” points to the calming power of singing, observing how in national emergencies, such as 9/11, people gathered and sang.

Even in non-emergent situations, singing is healing. And while singing in the shower might lift your mood, singing with others multiplies the rewards. Research indicates that singing does the body good in numerous ways. Studies have shown that it strengthens the immune system, increases lung capacity and reduces symptoms of asthma, enhances brain development in children, improves posture, and may help relieve pain. It lowers the heart rate and decreases blood pressure, which may have implications for heart health.

Recent studies involving people with Parkinson’s disease show that singing not only improves their motor symptoms but also enhances mood and reduces the indicators of stress. It’s also helped stroke victims speak again. New Zealand’s Centre for Brain Research is studying the CeleBRation Choir, a community singing group made up of people who have—or whose loved ones have—communication difficulties related to neurological problems. For years it’s been led on a weekly basis by a registered music therapist, and during quarantine it continues via Zoom. The center’s research indicates that singing not only improves mood and quality of life but also actually helps “rewire the brain” after damage.

Singing is a boon for emotional health as well. Group singing, participants report, is exhilarating. It causes the release of endorphins, which produces sensations of pleasure, and oxytocin, which enhances bonding. At the same time, it reduces the secretion of the hormone cortisol, resulting in a reduction in stress. It takes your mind off your worries, thus relieving anxiety, and may help people recover from depression.

Perhaps most important during the pandemic, singing can bridge the distance we feel and build community, even when we can’t be together physically. According to the website of the UK’s Association of Anthroposophic Therapeutic Arts, “Whether we sing or actively listen to someone else sing, our emotional life is affected and the connection to ourselves and our surroundings is deepened.”

“Sing together,” Van Der Kolk says in NICAB’s video,  “Get into rhythmical harmony with other people,” he urges, observing that our “core mammalian sense of safety is from synchronous sounds and movements with other people.”

Don’t worry if you can’t sing, because of course you can. One study has shown that the rewards of group singing stand even when the singers lack training or experience. There’s no need to judge yourself; just open your mouth and sing. Sing alone if you must, but if you can, add your voice to the voices of others. Gather some friends and organize your own Zoom choir, meet up with your neighbors at a social distance and sing together, or join an existing choir (look for possibilities here and here).

Check out the following videos for inspiration. And sing along!

You’ll Never Walk Alone

Love’s in Need of Love Today

Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah

Jimmy Fallon, Sting & The Roots Don’t Stand So Close to Me

Sounds of Silence

Here Comes the Sun

You’ve Got a Friend

True ColorsBEFORE YOU GO…

• Please leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
• Let us know what you want to see in Severance. Send a message to bkjax@icloud.com
• Tell us your stories. See guidelines at https://severancemag.com/submission-guidelines/
• If you’re an NPE, adoptee, or donor conceived person; a sibling of someone in one of these groups; or a helping professional (for example, a therapist or genetic genealogist) you’re welcome to join our private Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/402792990448461
• And like us on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/severancemag and follow us on Twitter and Instagram @Severancemag

If you’re reeling from a DNA surprise, you may be no stranger to confusion, anger, and sadness. If you’re searching for family or have been in reunion, you might tumble through emotional highs and lows. If you’ve felt rejected, it may be hard not to believe you’ve done something wrong—that you are wrong. And if you’re suffering from trauma associated with genetic identity issues, you may have moments of soul-crushing anguish and criticize yourself for what seems an inability to cope. Others, you think, might handle this better. No one else, you believe, is suffering in quite this way, and so you conclude you’re flawed, incapable, unworthy. You might feel ashamed, embarrassed, even guilty.

Although your distress is real, some of these responses may not be rational since you aren’t the cause of the turmoil in your life. But they’re also not uncommon. They’re human. But in the midst of it, it may seem to you that only you react this way.

If someone you know were in such distress, you’d likely open your heart and be gentle with their emotions, counter their hard feelings with softness, assure them they’re not alone in their suffering, that it’s not a reflection of them. Rather than deliver judgment or harsh criticism, you’d offer kindness and support.

But what do you do for yourself? Many of us know how to show compassion to our loved ones who are going through difficult times or are beset by sorrows, but when it comes to offering ourselves the same gentleness, we often fall short. It doesn’t even occur to us that we can be kind to ourselves.

Mindful self-compassion, as the name suggests, is a skill and practice that merges mindfulness and self-compassion to help you build resilience and develop the ability to respond to negative emotions in the same supportive, compassionate manner as you would to another’s troubles. Developed by an expert in mindfulness and a leading researcher of self-compassion, Christopher Germer, PhD, and Kristin Neff, PhD, it relies on the synergy of the two components, both of which derive from Buddhist teaching and psychology. Mindfulness allows us to be in the present moment, aware and without judgment, noticing our emotions without evaluating them, while self-compassion—an attitude of kindness toward oneself and an appreciation of one’s own suffering—is a practice that can be used to soothe ourselves in difficult times.

For Neff, who describes herself as a self-compassion evangelist, these ideas percolated more than 20 years ago when she hit a rough patch in life. In a YouTube video, she explains that when she was a PhD student at UC Berkeley, she was going through a divorce and feeling overwhelmed by shame, stress, and self-criticism. She turned to meditation, but in her first lesson, her instructor drove home the importance of self-compassion. At the same time that she was working with a key researcher in the field of self-esteem, Neff became aware of the limitations of self-esteem and the greater benefits of self-compassion. While self-esteem involved judgment and placing oneself above others, self-compassion involved neither harsh self-evaluations nor the need to stack oneself up against others. It was all about self-acceptance, despite flaws or weaknesses.Mindful self-compassion isn’t a tool with which to solve your problems or eliminate unpleasant circumstances. It’s more a means by which you can take a “time out” from judgment—away from stress and rumination—to offer yourself comfort and unconditional acceptance. Neff describes it as comprised of three key concepts:

• Self-kindness: treating oneself with gentleness and understanding rather than with self-judgment and criticism
• Common humanity: Understanding that our suffering is neither unique nor driven by our imperfection, but rather is a consequence of being human, a condition of which is imperfection
• Mindfulness: a midpoint between ignoring our emotions and ruminating on them; being aware without judging

Separately, mindfulness and self-compassion have been shown to offer health and wellness benefits. Combined they can transform our reactions to hardship and help us build resilience. Research has shown that completion of a mindful self-compassion program reduces anxiety and depression and increases happiness, motivation, ease in life, and compassion to others and to ourselves. Neff and Germer’s Center for Mindful Self-Compassion offers a variety of mindful self-compassion programs and workshops, including an eight-week program and a five-day intensive. It also offers live online programs and a directory to teachers in your area. The principles and practices are also available in Neff and Germer’s book, “The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook.”We talked to Lesley Huff, PsyD, a licensed psychologist and certified teacher of mindful self-compassion at the Samaritan Counseling Center in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, about how mindful self-compassion may help individuals struggling with issues related to identity, rejection, anger, shame, betrayal, and anxiety.

Mindful self-compassion, she says, “offers practices that bring a relationship of kindness to whatever we are experiencing. If we understand that life is filled with both pain and joy, we can accept the pain as it arises and not fight against it. While experiencing pain, we can use the mindfulness practices to hold it with some curiosity and better understand its source and message. The compassion practices first support us in tolerating the pain while we sit with it and second remind us to reflect on what we need given the pain.”

If you’re trying to eliminate pain, a recommendation to let it be may seem counterintuitive and undesirable. But, says Huff, it’s a path forward. She reminds her students and clients that sitting in dis-ease is uncomfortable, but adds that it’s more beneficial than knee-jerk reactions and efforts to eradicate it. “It’s more fruitful than trying to quickly resolve it and move out of the pain,” she says. “Our methods of moving out of the pain usually include things that cause more suffering, such as looking for someone to blame (ourselves or someone else), making quick and ill-informed decisions, and numbing. It’s also important to remember that we use the practices of mindful self-compassion not to feel better, but because we feel bad. This is often hard for students to wrap their minds around since as a society we do everything to ‘feel better.’ Eventually we will feel better (since all things are temporary), but while we get through the tough parts, it’s more productive to hold ourselves with kindness and not make things harder through unnecessary suffering.”Mindfulness—nonjudgmental awareness—helps you recognize your pain, says Huff. “’You cannot heal what you cannot feel,’ as the saying goes. At the same time, there are ways in which we can cultivate compassion in all areas of our lives (physically, mentally, emotionally, relationally, spiritually) that will hopefully become more habitual (albeit still intentional). If we understand that a lot of suffering comes from walking through the world in a trance, then bringing more awareness through mindfulness helps us to see things more clearly, respond more intentionally, and reduce our tendency to create suffering.”

Self-compassion alone, while soothing, doesn’t necessarily increase awareness. Surprisingly, Huff explains, when people focus on becoming more compassionate, there may be “more of an absence of harmful behavior than really overt compassionate behavior. For example, someone may miss noticing that they were less reactive to a person/situation unless they really think about it.” The mindfulness component provides the awareness.Neff has written that informal practices are as effective as formal practices. We asked Huff about the difference between the two. “There’s a tendency to idolized formal practice over informal practice,” she says. “Formal practice is when one sets aside specific time to sit and meditate. The three core practices of mindful self-compassion, which can be practiced formally, are affectionate breathing, loving kindness toward ourselves, and giving and receiving compassion. Affectionate breathing is similar to the mindfulness practice of anchoring awareness on our breath, but with the addition of fostering a quality of tenderness toward ourselves through the breath. Loving kindness, or metta meditation, is the practice of anchoring on kind words toward ourselves. This can also be done by including wishes of goodwill to others. Giving and receiving compassion is another breath exercise that anchors using words and some visuals. Receiving on the in-breath and giving on the out-breath is a wonderful metaphor reminding us that you need to receive (inhale) in order to give (exhale). Like any activity, such as sports or playing an instrument, formal practice makes it easier to draw on these practices in daily life. I think the real practice is to use them informally. It seems like a waste to only be kind when we are sitting on a cushion meditating. It’s more about how we move about the world. Therefore, as Kristin noted, if all you remember to do is to breathe and be less reactive in the grocery store check-out line, but have difficulty making time to sit formally, then you are really making a difference in your life and the world in general.”Among the troubling aspects of learning about a change in family status through a DNA surprise is that many individuals find their friends and family lack compassion and understanding. They may be made by others to feel as if they’re blowing things out of proportion—that they’re troubled by what others perceive as insignificant. Since they already may be feeling that their concerns are invalid, might that be an impediment to embracing self-compassion?

“Humans are empathic creatures,” says Huff. “When we observe someone else in pain, our tendency is to want to fix it and make it go away since it’s causing pain for us too. Our biology motivates us to avoid pain and move toward pleasure. We have received very unhelpful messages from society that offering advice, sharing a comparative story, or giving someone ‘perspective’ are what we ‘should’ do in respond to someone’s pain. Of course, our biology aligns nicely since we don’t really want to sit with their pain anyway.”

It’s possible, Huff observes, to help others become better listeners and be more responsive to your needs. “We have a terrific exercise in the mindful self-compassion class to foster compassionate listening. Before the exercise, the majority of my students express awkwardness and discomfort with the idea of sitting silently while someone shares a story of pain. They feel they are being horrible people. However, after the practice, their perspective really shifts. The experience of talking and not having someone jump in or offer a tissue in response to tears is most often experienced as tremendously freeing and healing by the person sharing their story. When they are the ones listening, students are encouraged to use the mindful self-compassion practices to soothe their discomfort internally so they don’t disrupt the space. This still feels uncomfortable because it’s unfamiliar. At the same time, the realization of the gift of holding space for someone encourages us to work on managing one’s urge to fix. So, I encourage individuals to let others know what they need. For example, they can tell their loved ones that they just need them to listen and to not offer advice or ‘fix’ the situation. Additionally, both the individuals who have realized this new information and their family members can benefit from seeking counseling so they can have a space to air their pain, knowing the professional is trained to manage their discomfort so they can create safety for the client.”Mindful self-compassion not only soothes distress; it also empowers those who practice it. “Having compassion for ourselves allows us to sit in the pain without needing to reactively fix it,” Huff explains. “Our methods of moving out of the pain usually include things that cause more suffering, such as looking for someone to blame (ourselves or someone else), making quick and ill-informed decisions, and numbing. Additionally, when we are able to offer compassion to ourselves, we realize our own power, rather than waiting for someone else to offer it to us. In reality, everyone is just bumbling along trying our best to navigate the messiness of being human. Self-compassion is tremendously responsible because we take care of ourselves rather than look to others to do it for us. Then we can receive and enjoy what people can offer with less judgment and expectation. Last, the more we are compassionate toward ourselves, the more we can develop compassion for others. Judgment toward ourselves is a sword that cuts both ways.”If you are unable to participate in a mindful self-compassion class or workshop, you can still learn the concepts and develop your own practice. There are numerous resources available, and Huff shares some of her favorites.

Books: Those by Kristin Neff, Chris Germer, and Brené Brown. Additionally, “Real Love” by Sharon Salzberg; “Radical Acceptance” by Tara Brach; ‘Hidden Wholeness” by Parker Palmer;  “When Things Fall Apart” by Pema Chödrön; and poetry by Mary Oliver, John O’Donohue, David Whyte, and Tony Hoagland.

Podcasts: There are several episodes of the podcast “On Being with Krista Tippett” that touch on topics of mindfulness and compassion.

Apps: Insight Timer; Stop, Breathe, Think; Headspace; Calm; Chill.

Julie Potiker

Mindfulness expert and author Julie Potiker is an attorney who began her serious study and investigation of mindfulness after graduating from the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction program at the University of California, San Diego. She went on to train to teach Mindful Self-Compassion and completed the Positive Neuroplasticity Training Professional Course with Rick Hanson. She teaches these and other mindfulness techniques in her Mindful Methods for Life trainings and writes about them in her new book, “Life Falls Apart, but You Don’t Have To: Mindful Methods for Staying Calm in the Midst of Chaos.”

We talked to her about how mindfulness can help when you feel as if the rug’s been pulled out from under you.It’s human nature to want to control events in our lives. One of my favorite quotes, attributed to the Buddha, is that “we make our own hell by wishing things were different than they are.” The only thing I know we can control is our reaction to events. By practicing a set of techniques to break the discursive loop of ruminating, we can calm down and eventually find joyful moments.We cannot eliminate chaos, but we can learn to deal with what life dishes out with equanimity — finding the calm in the storm.Experience-dependent neuroplasticity is the concept that we can use the mind to change the brain for the better. Our thoughts and emotions fire neurons in our brains, which then fire together and form new neural circuits. What fires together wires together. Rick Hanson explains in his book “Hardwiring Happiness,” “Taking in the good is the deliberate internalization of positive experiences into implicit memory.”

It’s normal that our brains tend to hang onto negative information. That’s why noticing positive mental states when they happen (and calling up positive mental states when you need one) is so important. You are choosing to make your brain a happier place.Rick Hanson’s anagram for experience-dependent neuroplasticity:

H – Have a good experience. Be mindful so you are aware that a good experience is occurring!

E – Enrich it to install it.

A – Absorb it as if you are filling your body up with the good experience.

L – Link positive and negative material. This is an optional last step, which explains how one might supplant a bad mental state with a good mental state.You can practice mindfulness as a meditation, but you can also weave it seamlessly into your day so that you’re practicing this calming skill whether or not you have time to sit and meditate. For example:

• Practice mindfulness while brushing your teeth: This is a great place to start. Begin your mindful day as you wake up and do your morning routine. Brush your teeth mindfully by turning your full attention into each step (putting on the paste, brushing, rinsing) and each sensation (tastes, smells, and textures; the feeling of the brush). Tip: it’s easier if you close your eyes!
• Practice mindful eating: Be the observer and pay mindful attention to the way you prepare, serve, and eat your food. Slice and dice mindfully; put your fork to your mouth mindfully; taste and chew mindfully. It’s also lovely to consider the source of the particular food — where and how it was grown, the farmers who produced it, the distribution chain that allowed you to enjoy your meal. That naturally leads to a moment of gratitude.
• Practice mindful walking: You can do this mindful activity whether you’re taking a leisurely stroll at your favorite outdoor spot or hoofing it across the parking lot as you head into work. Pay attention to the soles of your feet as they meet the ground, the rhythm of your steps; your breath in and out of your nose, the feel of the air on your face, and the sights, smells, and sounds around you.
• Let music help you be in the moment: Make a playlist of songs that fill you with good feelings. You can use this playlist to boost your experience of cooking or walking or driving or anything else you can enjoy with music. (You can even just sit back and focus on the music!)

We primates are wired to connect. The sense of connection and common humanity helps stave off isolation, which may lead to depression. Lean in and reach out! Connection and compassion are antidotes to shame.Ask yourself, “What is OK right now?” Make a list of things that have been known to bring you joy, and — even if you don’t feel like it — choose one activity and do it. Notice whether any happiness is arising. You can also start a gratitude practice and pay special attention to everything in your life you are grateful for. The science behind this is solid; writing down what you are grateful for will help you to feel better. You cannot feel joyless and grateful at the same time.Mindfulness meditation gives your brain a much needed break. Meditation lowers your heart rate, blood pressure, and respiration. It decreases anxiety and depression and helps you maintain healthy habits like diet and exercise. It helps with interpersonal relationships, because you become less reactive. As your ability to pause strengthens, it enables you to choose a more skillful response in conversation with others.People make time for things that are important. This is a free tool that may help you live with less suffering and more ease. Shouldn’t that be enough of a motivation to try it?I love the Insight Timer app. It’s free and it won’t get you hooked and then charge you to continue like some of the other popular apps. I love that, although there are more than 15,000 meditations on the app, it’s not overwhelming because it’s organized by how many minutes you want to spend as well as by topic category. For example, if you have six minutes and you want a meditation focused on letting go of anger, you can find it there. You can find three of my meditations here.

• Make a joy list: Write down a list of things that bring you joy, then do one or two of those activities every day.
• Start a gratitude practice: Write down a few things you are grateful for or a few things you enjoyed each day. Write a gratitude letter to someone. Let these feelings of gratitude fill you up.
• Practice meditating: There are several great apps out there like Insight Timer to try. Even if you only have a few minutes, you can select a short meditation that works for you. Pick a time and a meditation that fits into your schedule.

Do your thoughts keep traveling on the same groove, driving you deeper and deeper in a rut? Maybe you can’t stop thinking about lies you’ve been told or wondering whether you’ll ever figure out where you came from. Or you can’t tear yourself away from the computer because the answer to your search and all your urgent questions may be just a few keystrokes away. Or worse, your thoughts become so oppressive that in order to blot them out you find yourself eating or drinking more, burning through cigarettes, relying on prescription or recreational drugs, or picking fights with those around you.

Although not always recognized as such, loss related to separation from family or discovery of misattributed parentage can be a form of trauma. And trauma, according to Sarah Bowen, a clinical psychologist and associate professor at Pacific University, plays a trick on your mind. It’s hard to find relief from it. “When anything traumatic has happened, whether it’s loss- or fear-based, you can’t get away from it. It’s in your face. If it’s fear, sadness, grief, whatever, it’s easy to go down rabbit holes.” But obsessive thinking locks you into feeling the feelings at the same time that it intensifies them.

It’s easy, Bowen says, to get caught in rumination cycles. While sometimes it’s helpful to think things through, often it’s the thinking through that causes intense distress. You get stuck in the same loops of thought, and catastrophizing and obsessing isn’t actually very useful. Those obtrusive and persistent emotions, she says, may manifest in many ways. “It might be engaging in ruminative thought patterns, picking up a drink, yelling at your partner, or eating, but the function is the same.” Those behaviors arise because you can’t handle what you’re feeling, so you engage in something that you think will make you feel less bad, she explains.

Urge surfing is a simple technique to allow you to slow down and acknowledge your feelings without acting on them. This evidence-based intervention was developed to help prevent addiction relapse by the late G. Alan Marlatt, PhD, who was director of addiction research at the University of Washington in Seattle. The concept came to him when he was trying to help someone stop smoking. It’s based on the understanding that urges — impulses to act in some way on negative feelings — rise like waves, getting bigger and bigger until one feels compelled to give in and indulge the urges. Trying to suppress these feelings tends to make them stronger and more insistent. Urge surfing helps individuals learn to ride out the wave without giving in and to understand that the urge is impermanent. Marlatt and his colleagues found the technique effective in addiction relapse prevention, but its applications go well beyond substance use and abuse. It’s simply a way of applying mindfulness to feelings that seem intolerable, says Bowen, who worked with Marlatt as a graduate student at the University of Washington.

The concept and practice are based in large part on Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction program. As defined by Kabat-Zinn, mindfulness is “paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, nonjudgmentally.” Learn more about mindfulness in this short video by Kabat-Zinn.

Urge surfing is not a way of solving or figuring out the problem. It’s about backing up and observing your feelings, says Bowen. It’s a way of asking, “What if I noticed what’s happening in my body, what my mind is doing now, instead of having panicked reactions?”

To ride the waves, you’ll learn to recognize when your thoughts and feelings are leading you to react in habitual, impulsive, and unproductive ways. Perhaps your urge is to log in to Ancestry.com constantly to see if you have new DNA matches. Of course, it’s helpful to monitor your matches, but checking 10 times a day can only increase your distress. Instead of flipping open your computer, sit quietly with your uncomfortable feelings without judgment. Acknowledge the thoughts that arise and the accompanying sensations and tensions in your body. Bring your attention to your breath as you follow the wave of the urge until it crests and subsides.

As with all mindfulness techniques, urge surfing requires a dedicated practice to strengthen your ability to react mindfully instead of in your default mode. Stopping and sitting with your feelings in this way each time they arise, combined with practicing mindfulness-based techniques on a regular basis each day when you’re not feeling the impulses, will make you better able to choose constructive responses.

Listen to Bowen guide you through an urge surfing exercise in this sound file.

It’s natural to have a powerful urge to escape feelings associated with or arising from trauma. Urge surfing, Bowen explains, is a way of learning to sit with the feelings and ride them out, learning to live with them without them overtaking your life. Through urge surfing you’ll be able to recognize that the feelings probably will come back, but you’ll become aware that you can feel things you don’t want to feel and still be okay.

Whether it’s through urge surfing or other practices, “mindfulness is useful in that it illuminates how our minds mean well but end up trapping us in cycles of anxiety, worry, and suffering,” says Nick Turner, a clinical social worker in the Clinical Road Home Program for Veterans and Families at Rush University Medical Center. “It provides us with a practice that accepts the mind as it is and allows us to be more present and effective.”

It’s often enough for individuals to break thought patterns and negative behaviors by developing a regular mindfulness practice — urge surfing or mindful meditation — but sometimes it may be beneficial to seek help. “If someone is to the point where they are obsessing about something and it’s decreasing their quality of life, working with a guide such as a therapist or teacher can be helpful.”

Look for more on mindfulness techniques coming soon in Severance.

Maybe you took a DNA test for fun and the results turned out to be anything but. You don’t recognize anyone in your match list or you find in your mailbox a “Hi, we’re siblings!” message when you thought you were an only child. Or perhaps someone let slip a family secret and now you suspect that you have no genetic connection to one or both of your parents. What should you do now? The simplest and yet most difficult way to regain your equilibrium after being blown away is to hit the pause button.It may feel as if your world has gone sideways. It wouldn’t be surprising if you can’t think straight and your mind is reeling; after all, this may be the most life-changing experience you’ll ever know. You may want to try to right your world immediately, but a better strategy is to acknowledge that you’ve had a significant shock and let it settle in a little before reacting. The initial revelation of family secrets may just be the first wave in a storm of shocks and struggles, so the way you respond early on may ease your way throughout your journey. Later you can think about your goals and explore how to move forward, but for now, take it slowly. (See the First Steps Guide from Right to Know below.)

Renowned neurologist and psychologist Viktor Frankl often is credited for a wise statement likely first made before he was born: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Take time to be still in that space. “It’s definitely a good idea to stop and take a breath,” says psychologist Greg Markway. “Part of your ‘story’ changes the moment you get this new information, but you don’t have any of the background information about the story.” Feeling a range of emotions, he says — upset, lost, angry — is normal. “Let yourself feel and accept the feelings.” Give yourself time, he advises, to explore the rest of your story and learn what the new information means.

“Don’t make any life-changing decisions,” advises Krista Driver, PhD, a licensed marriage and family therapist who’s also an NPE (non-parental event or not parent expected). “Don’t sell your home, divorce your mother, quit your job, or make any major changes.” In addition, she says, “Be selective in the people you tell; not everyone is worthy of your story.”If you haven’t already taken a DNA test, take one now to confirm any suspicions you may have. Use the strategy outlined here.Establishing equilibrium after a shock — whether that’s done by searching for biological family, reestablishing peaceful connections with your social family, or resolving that you may never have the answers you seek — is a marathon, not a sprint. It will take energy, stamina, and focus at the same time that it tries to drain you of all three.

It’s well known that in the wake of a shock, the body and mind can take a hit, so make a commitment to guarding your well-being by eating properly, getting enough sleep, and maintaining an exercise routine. And take steps to manage stress and anxiety. Devote some time to whatever you find relaxing — maybe listening to music, spending time in nature, reading, or visiting a museum. One of the best ways to defuse stress, however, is to practice mindfulness-based meditation.

“Mindfulness,” says Markway, “is the process where you focus your attention on the current moment. You also attend to your current thoughts and feelings — just noticing them — without trying to judge or change them.” Load your phone with any one of a number of mindfulness-based meditation apps such as Calm, Omvana, Headspace, or Insight Timer and pause for five or ten minutes twice a day and whenever you’re feeling anxious to slow your mind and still your thoughts. Taking care of yourself,” adds Markway, “helps you think more clearly.”

Another aspect of self-care is pausing for self-reflection. Driver suggests keeping a journal. “This may come in handy when you’re trying to piece it all together later. As people move through this process of discovery, memories will float back that provide confirmations, or they may recall conversations from childhood, and this medium documents the range of emotions that will come up during the journey.”You may feel powerless and alone. You are neither. Information and resources are empowering, and you’ll find those here in the magazine and in numerous references listed in our Resource sections. But before you explore them, make an effort to connect with others who’ve been where you are now. Your friends and family members, unless they’ve had a similar experience, may not be able to understand or relate to the feelings you’re having. Find a community of people who’ve also experienced this kind of shock,” says Driver, who recommends an online support group, or, if you’re lucky enough to live near one, an in-person group. “This helps people know they aren’t alone and provides a safe place to explore potential avenues to take.”

In addition, there are dozens of Facebook groups that may provide comfort. While not true support groups since they’re not moderated by trained professionals, these private groups offer comfort, peer support, and shared resources. Severance has its own group, Adoptees, NPEs, Donor Conceived & Other Genetic Identity Seekers, and there are many more devoted exclusively to adoptees, donor conceived people, NPEs, or late discovery adoptees. (See our Resources pages.)

As you seek support in these ways, ensure that you don’t lose touch with your real-world support group, take time to spend with friends, and engage in whatever activities you found enjoyable or rewarding before you made this life-changing discovery.All individuals perceive and react to trauma differently. There’s no right or wrong way. Almost everyone will feel knocked off balance by finding out that a branch of their family tree has fallen. Some manage to take it in stride, and others will feel overwhelmed, devastated. It’s not unusual in the immediate aftermath of a such a discovery to feel angry, sad, moody, and distracted. You might have difficulty concentrating or sleeping. These feelings are normal and likely will subside as you absorb the shock. But if they linger, cause you to engage in risky or troublesome behaviors, or interfere with your daily activities, consider seeking the help of a therapist, preferably one trained in issues related to family separation.BEFORE YOU GO…

• Please leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
• Let us know what you want to see in Severance. Send a message to bkjax@icloud.com
• Tell us your stories. See guidelines at https://severancemag.com/submission-guidelines/
• If you’re an NPE, adoptee, or donor conceived person; a sibling of someone in one of these groups; or a helping professional (for example, a therapist or genetic genealogist) you’re welcome to join our private Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/402792990448461
• And like us on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/severancemag and follow us on Twitter and Instagram @Severancemag

If you’ve only recently learned that the mother or father you grew up with isn’t your genetic parent, there’s a good chance you don’t know anyone who’s had a similar experience. You may feel bewildered and alone. Unfortunately, the bewilderment may last a bit as you adjust to a significant shift in your understanding of your world and your place in it. But you needn’t ever feel alone.

Facebook is home to numerous peer support groups made up of people who know what you’re going through — those who understand and can empathize. In most cases, these groups are private, so you can feel comfortable disclosing the raw feelings and sensitive thoughts you’re not prepared or willing to share with others. These groups can be havens for people who feel isolated, marginalized, or stigmatized and they give voice to people who have felt silenced or unheard. They offer 24/7 access to someone who will listen to your story or respond to your questions. You’ll find camaraderie, encouragement, resources, and stories that likely will resonate.

If you need to learn more about DNA and how to use it to find family, there’s a group for that. If you want to connect with people who are adopted, donor-conceived, or NPEs (non-parental events or not parent expected), you’ll find more than a few useful groups.

While sitting face-to-face in a true support group moderated by a helping professional might be ideal, such groups are few and far between. When in-person support groups aren’t available to you, the next best thing is a virtual peer group. The goal of these groups is to create a safe space in which you can express anything you need to get off your chest, relatively free of judgment, criticism, or recrimination. (Relatively because . . . well . . . people are people and every so often we speak without thinking.) In private groups, nothing you contribute or receive from the members goes beyond the groups. Because they’re secret or closed, only you can see them in your Facebook feed, and when you post, none of your contacts outside of the group can see what you post.Peer support offers numerous benefits. Research has shown it may boost self-esteem and confidence, help improve mood, and increase coping abilities. Reading others’ stories may make you feel less adrift and more connected to people who get you, which can be especially important when those close to you may not understand or know how to help. Finding your feelings mirrored in others’ can be comforting and stabilizing — helping you realize it’s the situation you’re in that’s crazy, not you. In addition, those who’ve been on the same path a little longer than you may have developed practical resources and coping strategies that will give you new perspective, and you’ll see that many of those farther out on the journey you’re just beginning may deliver the hopeful message that that healing and coping are possible.

And while listening and learning is most helpful for some, having a place to express themselves, even just to vent and blow off steam, is most valuable to others. For many, the greatest benefit comes from providing comfort and support, because helping others is a way of moving forward and making meaning.

For Cassandra Adams, 36, who learned just before her 35^th birthday that she was donor conceived, Facebook groups have been a lifeline. Especially helpful for her have been We Are Donor Conceived and DNA NPE Friends, along with a smaller group specifically for people like her who’ve just discovered a Jewish heritage. She’s also found participation in groups related to activism regarding donor conception to be empowering. “There are groups where we discuss issues surrounding donor conception with prospective parents and small groups where donor conceived people can safely vent and strategize our activism goals.”

“Fellow members,” Adams says, “have been the only ones who can truly understand the thoughts and feelings I have about this area of my life,” an area she feels has enveloped her life. It’s in these groups, she says, that strangers become more than confidants. “We’ve found ourselves disconnected from biological family, and our conversations with one another, regardless of the physical distance between us, starts with the most intimate details of our existence at the very beginning.” In the groups, she adds, are shared “all of our darkest secrets, from before we were even conceived. And with that kind of comfort level, I have to say that many of my closest friends at this point are people I have only come to know in the last 20 months of my life.”

Facebook groups, linking strangers in this way across the miles, create a sense of kinship. “Organizing community has been important to me when I feel we as NPEs or donor conceived people are already suffering from that emotional detachment from our families of origin and our friends,” says Adams. “All of us have unique issues to work on, for which having a variety of groups has been invaluable.”While groups offer many benefits, it’s also important to recognize their limitations. Unless it’s run by a trained professional, a Facebook group “should never be perceived as a ‘support group,’ as the moderators are not licensed or clinically trained,” says Krista Driver, PhD, a licensed marriage and family therapist and CEO of Mariposa Women & Family Center in Southern California. “With a public forum like Facebook, everyone has the ability to offer advice, ideas, opinions, and they’re not always clinically sound or beneficial.”

Beth Kane, a New Jersey clinical social worker, agrees. Support groups, she acknowledges, are wonderful resources, but should be facilitated by a professional or at least someone who has been extensively trained in whatever the topic is. That’s not to say she doesn’t see the value in Facebook groups, but she offers this caveat. “Peer support can’t be under-rated, and I think it’s a huge help to people, but when you’re dealing with high-level emotional stuff, it’s even easier for people to be led astray, though not maliciously, which could complicate things for them even further. There’s tremendous value in peer support and not feeling so alone, but when advice is given to someone who’s really struggling, it can be a bit of a slippery slope.” Everyone’s experience is unique, and different things work for different people, she says. “In addition, well-meaning people may also invalidate how someone is feeling. For each person in the group, there’s going to be a different perspective, which can be tremendously helpful and also not so much.”

So keep in mind being adopted, an NPE, or donor-conceived doesn’t necessarily make someone an expert on the subject, but only an expert on their own experience. They may have no more wisdom than you do. Still, there’s much you might gain from listening to their stories and hearing about what’s worked for them. But think carefully before taking advice, particularly when it comes to emotional, legal, and family matters. Listen to what others have been through and assess it critically in light of your own situation and needs. If you require advice about sensitive matters, especially behavioral health concerns, seek credentialed experts who have experience with related issues.

Another concern about groups is privacy. When choosing a group, pay attention to the level of privacy it offers. Anyone can see the membership of public groups and the posts of members. Closed groups are private, meaning while they can be searched for and found on the Internet to allow new members to join, members’ names and posts cannot be seen by anyone outside the group. Secret groups add an extra layer of privacy and cannot be found on the Internet.

While members of private and secret groups are prohibited from sharing group content outside the group and must pledge to maintain members’ privacy, on very rare occasions breaches have happened. As with all online activities, it might be prudent for users to be careful not to post personal information such as home addresses, phone numbers, or medical information. Be careful, too, when posting not to reveal private information about others, and be sure that when you post, you are in fact posting to the group and not to your own personal Facebook page.Following is a small sampling of the many peer groups available on Facebook.

This magazine has its own private group for anyone who’s discovered that, as a result of any circumstance, they’re not genetically related to the families they grew up in. Relatives and allies are welcome. In addition, there are multiple groups with a narrower focus, targeted specifically, for example, to NPEs, adoptees, late-discovery adoptees in particular, or donor conceived individuals. Some have strict membership criteria and others may allow family members and allies. Others offer support and practical assistance to those who are searching for family.

DNA, Genetic Genealogy, and Search Sites

A closed group for anyone using DNA to find biological family, DNA Detectives, created by CeCe Moore, has been responsible for countless reunions. Help comes not only from DNA Detectives’ team of administrators and search experts, but also from its nearly 115,000 members. It’s an essential resource for beginners who want to understand their DNA results and learn how to use them to find family.

DD Social, a closed subgroup of DNA Detectives, is a place for social interaction and support concerning DNA testing, genealogy, and the search for unknown parents.

Search Squad is a free locator group for adoptees, birth parents and family, and genealogy.

Groups for NPEs

Begun in 2017, DNA NPE Friends is a secret group open to NPEs and offering emotional support and encouragement. Its founder, Catherine St Clair, has been featured frequently in the media, drawing attention to the experience of NPEs and driving the group’s membership toward 6,000 individuals. There are numerous special interest groups under the banner of NPE Friends as well, including those for mothers of NPEs and for individuals affected by another’s NPE. The community also has a group for adoptees, regardless of whether they are NPEs. When one member was struggling with the newfound knowledge that her dad wasn’t her biological father, a friend told her she’d read an article about DNA NPE Friends. “I looked into it because I thought I was all alone with my struggles,” she says. “When I became a member, my heart grew by leaps and bounds.” To keep DNA NPE Friends secret and unsearchable yet allow people who need it to find it, St Clair created a closed searchable group, membership in which leads to membership in the private group. Join by contacting the DNA NPE Gateway.

Other groups for NPEs include NPE Only: After the Discovery and Severance’s group, Adoptees, NPEs, Donor Conceived and Other Genetic Identity Seekers. 

Groups for Adoptees

The Adoptee Support Group is open to adoptees, biological parents, and anyone searching for biological family, and the Adult Forum for Late-Discovery Adoptees’ membership is limited to late-discovery adoptees. There are a number of groups devoted to the needs of transracial adoptees, including TAP 101 for Adult Transracial Adoptees. The Adoption Reunion Search and Support Group is for those interested in finding family and navigating reunions. Adoptees Only: Found/Reunion The Next Chapter is for adoptees in any stage of reunion.

Groups about Donor Conception

We Are Donor Conceived, with more than 1,000 members worldwide, is a companion group to an organization of the same name. It’s a place where donor conceived individuals can connect and share as well as find original content from the organization’s website. According to its founder, Erin Jackson, “frequent topics include how to reach out to newly discovered relatives, how to respond to friends and family members who aren’t supportive or understanding, and advocacy efforts.” In addition, she says, members often post photos of their meetings with donor conceived siblings and biological parents. Members frequently express gratitude for the group, Jackson says, “often because their partners, friends, or close family members do not understand their feelings and can’t be supportive of their desire to meet and develop relationships with donor siblings or their genetic mothers or fathers.”

DNA for the Donor Conceived, from the DNA Detectives, is a closed group in which donor-conceived individuals can find help and support when searching for biological family members. It’s for donor conceived offspring, siblings, and parents (sperm, egg, embryo) and for anyone considering donor conception.

To find other groups, enter a subject in the search bar on Facebook or check our Resources pages.

The characters in “Grey’s Anatomy” are right. Dancing it off really works. But it’s nothing new. They’re on to something even our ancestors practiced. Dancing is as old as life, and its favorable effects on the mind and body have been known for ages. In recent decades, dance has been recognized as a therapeutic tool, and dance therapy is now widely used in a range of therapeutic settings. But its remedial aspects were known even among primitive tribes, who, according to educator, researcher, and family therapist Pauline Boss, worked out their trauma by dancing around the fire. As these primitive people knew, dance is a powerful means of releasing emotion and energy — a way of draining pent-up negative feelings.

It’s well known that rhythmic movement has numerous physical benefits. It offers a good cardiovascular workout, improves core strength, and helps build flexibility and stamina. Sustained movement lowers blood pressure, increases endurance, and boosts metabolism. And research indicates that it improves memory and cognition while it decreases the risk of dementia as you age.

But dancing isn’t merely good for your physical health. There’s a significant body of evidence indicating it’s a potent stress-buster and a mood lifter. As famed hoofer Debbie Reynolds once said, “That’s what I love about dance. It makes you happy, fully happy.” Moving to music takes your mind out of time. It trips the release of feel-good neurotransmitters such as serotonin and norepinephrine, improving mood and easing tension at the same time that it helps your brain develop new neural networks.

“Dance releases endorphins and oxytocin in the same way as laughter, creating positive mood and decreasing stress,” observes dance therapist Chandra Chaikin, MS, LMFT, R-DMT.  “Dance also tends to balance out emotional energy as a result of allowing our bodies to shake and move.”

Research shows dance relieves anxiety, reduces anger and depression, and boosts focus and concentration. One Australian study demonstrated that those who learned to tango were better able to relieve depression and anxiety than were those who meditated. And at the University of London, study participants with anxiety were assigned to one of four classes — math, music, exercise, or modern dance. Only those participating in the modern dance class saw relief for anxiety.Keep it simple. Just dance around the house in your underwear. Take a cue from a cliché and dance like no one’s watching. It doesn’t matter what steps you take or what you look like. Just turn on some music and move. You’ll get rewards if you shimmy and shake for only five to ten minutes a day. Even one session of jumping around to music is enough to release mood-boosting brain chemicals and reduce depression. As Diane Nodell, former performer, choreographer, and adjunct professor of dance observes, “If nothing else, dancing around the house is movement without judgment. It gets the adrenalin moving through the body and the blood flowing — a true cardiovascular workout only with undeniable freedom of expression!”

Find a partner. Dancing alone can bring about the physical and mental benefits, but dancing with others also deepens social connections, promotes bonding, and reduces loneliness. Dancing with a partner in a style that requires physical contact, such as country line dancing, swing, or other forms of ballroom dancing, further offers a dose of therapeutic touch and stimulates the release of oxytocin — the “cuddle” hormone. The psychological benefits of touch are added to the rewards of movement. Grab a partner and go out dancing once a week. The rewards will last through the week.

Change up your workout. Take part in a dance-based workout such as Zumba at your local gym or move to CD- or Internet-based dance videos several days a week. Learn more about dance fitness here.

Take a class: Tap, jazz, salsa, hip-hop, ballroom — it doesn’t matter what kind of class it is as long as it gets you moving and takes you out of your mind, above your thoughts. In addition to the benefits inherent in moving your body, learning a new skill increases feelings of self-competence and enhances coping abilities.

Find a weekend workshop: The Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, New York, Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health, in Stockbridge, Massachusetts, and Canyon Ranch in four locations, for example, regularly offer workshops and retreats in various kinds of dance and transformational movement.

Take it to another level with dance therapy. The American Dance Therapy Association defines dance/movement therapy as “the psychotherapeutic use of movement to further the emotional, cognitive, physical, and social integration of the individual.” It recognizes both that some emotions are more easily expressed nonverbally and that emotions, even trauma, are stored in the body. Dance therapy has long been used for disease prevention, stress reduction, and treatment of pain, PTSD and other types of trauma, and behavioral health issues. Therapists use a range of techniques to assess nonverbal communication and intervene with movement. Numerous studies provide support for its success. A randomized controlled trial, for example, found that individuals who participated in 10 sessions of a dance movement therapy intervention experienced decreased psychological distress that endured for six months after the treatment.

According to Christine Matteson, a licensed creative arts therapist specializing in dance therapy, there are misconceptions about dance therapy. People assume therapy means anything that makes them feel good, she says, adding that with dance you sweat, move, communicate, express, and relate to yourself and others. Dance therapy ultimately makes you feel good, Matteson says, “but it’s process — of increasing consciousness and expanding one’s movement repertoire in a therapeutic container with a therapist who is trained to facilitate, witness, teach, and move with a client.” In the end, she says, it can lead to healing and positive transformation.

“When we move,” Chaikin says, “synapses are sent through the brain that not only go through the motor/coordination portion of the brain, but also pass through our center of cognition, emotions, sense of agency, and memory. That is why focusing on our movement patterns and what our body is telling us is able to provide us with information and help us to process what is going on. We can literally move through our story of our stressor and create our new outcome or we can learn to be more aware of where our stress is coming from and find ways to allow ourselves to let it go.”

In a similar way, Chaikin adds, dance therapy can address trauma and loss. The therapy, however, “may go more in depth and might also incorporate art and more complex interventions from the dance therapist to create safety and containment for processing the feelings and developing increased self awareness and coping skills. Use of rhythm, breath, and spinal connection have been found to be very helpful with trauma among other things.”

For individuals who have had trauma and stress related to family separation and genetic identity issues, Matteson says, a dance movement therapist would work to assist a client “with creating sense of safety, trust, and stability; with integration of the trauma; and with the development of the self.” Unlike a dance class, she says, “The focus is on the therapeutic process, not product. We do not prescribe dances! Take two tangos and call me in the morning!” The emphasis is on the therapeutic relationship, she says, on “expanding one’s movement repertoire so the individual, family, and/or group have more ways of coping with both internal and external stressors, and on working with symbolic, creative expression within the therapeutic container.”

To explore dance therapy, choose a dance therapist with training that meets the standards set by the American Dance Therapy Association, which offers an online directory. And you can learn more by listening to the association’s ADTA Talks.It doesn’t matter how you dance, just get yourself in motion. Dance promises improved health and mood, reduced stress, increased confidence, and, when done with others, an increased sense of community.

Take it from one of the world’s greatest dancers, Agnes de Mille:

To dance is to be out of yourself.

Larger, more beautiful, more powerful.

This is power, it is glory on earth and it is yours for the taking.

So start now. Click on this video and dance along. No one is watching.