By Hope Whynot
CW: discussion of the impact of a sexual assault resulting in a pregnancy of a teenager
Date: May 2023
I shake the hands of the various deans. My two favorite professors, Tim and Gretchen (the gay ones), stand up and cheer for me as I grab my diploma. It’s a master’s degree. We take pictures in front of the perfectly manicured flowers that spell out 2023. We leave the square as soon as possible to get dinner somewhere without a long wait. It is easy.
Date: May 2017
We walk to the ceremony at the pavilion on the water. I forget now what it used to be called when it wasn’t named after a bank. My first concert was there (the Go-Go’s). As we wait to cross the street we pass the hotel with the pool my dad used to sneak us into to teach us how to swim. I tell my birth mother about it. I picture her picturing it. I wonder how close she gets to the truth. Dean Lowe (the gay one) gives me a hug and my degree in something practical. I already have my full-time job at Fancy University.
Date: June 1997
It’s my biological mother’s high school graduation. She’s shivering in the white dress they made all of the girls wear. It is colder than it should be for June. That’s what she told me about it. But I picture it: when they call her name to receive her diploma, her family sitting in the bleachers, each of her four siblings cheering, her best friend Darlene cheers the loudest. They’ve grown apart now, but Darlene was the only reason she made it through. I wonder how close I get to the truth.
Date: October 2025
My biological mother hasn’t had any more graduations (yet). She ended up pregnant again at 19 and raised my younger sister. Only now, in her 40s has she been able to enroll at the local community college. She has an internship identifying bees. It’s clear she is smart and capable. Sometimes the younger students think she’s in charge on account of her age. To them, she is the queen of the hive, the mother bee.
But what if she wasn’t raped?
Date: May 2023
I shake the hands of the various deans. My two favorite professors, Tim and Gretchen (the gay ones), stand up and cheer for me as I grab my diploma. It’s a master’s degree. We take pictures in front of the perfectly manicured flowers that spell out 2023. We leave the square as soon as possible to get dinner somewhere without a long wait. It is easy.
Date: May 2017
We walk to the ceremony at the pavilion on the water. I forget now what it used to be called when it wasn’t named after a bank. My first concert was there (the Go-Go’s). As we wait to cross the street we pass the hotel with the pool my dad used to sneak us into to teach us how to swim. I tell my birth mother about it. I picture her picturing it. I wonder how close she gets to the truth. Dean Lowe (the gay one) gives me a hug and my degree in something practical. I already have my full-time job at Fancy University.
What if she had gotten an abortion?
Date: May 2001
It’s my biological mother’s college graduation. Three of her siblings are in the audience (her parents wouldn’t make the trip, and at least one of her siblings couldn’t for a justifiable reason. This does not cause a fight but she’s still a little hurt). There are palm trees. It’s on the beach. She chose to go to Florida for college because she loves the heat. She majored in something practical but took as many literature courses as she could for electives. She hopes to write a book someday. The book will not get published but she does write it. She celebrates with a 40 of Miller High Life and a boyfriend who thinks she hung the moon. It is easy.
Date: May 2007
Her parents, all four siblings, three of their spouses, and five babies between them squeeze into the plastic seats that are zip-tied together to keep them in line. She moved back up north for grad school to be closer to family. She majored in what she actually wanted and became
a bee scientist maybe
or a marine biologist
or a journalist
or something boring because it paid the bills
Hope Whynot frequently writes on queerness, gender, adoption, and grief. They hold an Ed.M. in education from the Harvard Graduate School of Education with a concentration in identity power and justice. They’ve shared their adoption story on the Voices Unheard Podcast (under their adopted name they’ve since abandoned), and three years running at Voices Unheard, an adoptee speaker event. They’re developing an essay collection about being conceived nonconsensually in an effort to lend their voice to the conversation about abortion rights and reproductive justice. Their poetry has been published in the Saints and Sinners Anthology by Rebel Satori Press.