By Amy Ebbeson, LCSW
Since the beginning of recorded history, people have been misled about their parentage and origins. This is a foundational story in Christianity. And even in a galaxy far, far away. In Star Wars, Darth Vader’s declaration, “Luke, I am your father,” is probably the most quoted line in science fiction history. In 2024, it’s not an epic battle that brings people this information, but rather a computer screen.
People of all ages and stages of their life can now discover by spitting into a tube a hidden truth about who they are genetically. Being able to find out a long-held secret from an inexpensive and widely available commercial DNA test is a completely novel trauma. Never have we had the ability to find this truth without the consent, knowledge, or genetic material of both parents.
When people find out that their genetic content is not what they thought it was, it can lead to a crisis of identity, fraught with confusion, disillusionment and the pain of disconnection. For people to recover from this trauma and emerge as healthy, well-adjusted individuals, they must take time to process the implications and make sense of their new origin story.
Since 2020, I have been leading twice monthly therapeutic support groups for this population and have built my understanding from direct experience. Prior to my knowledge of my own misidentified parentage, I sought healing through many means and modalities, as I felt the internal conflict before understanding it. DNA journeys are often talked about as if they are puzzles: Where do I fit? Who am I connected to? In my own healing, I’ve been excited by the accelerated insight gained by psychedelic plant medicines. These substances can alter your sensory perceptions, giving you a new perspective. They allow you to see things from a different angle—like being able to flip the puzzle sideways. The new view allows for a reinterpretation of the events. This reassessment can bring greater peace in the knowledge that you are one piece in the much larger picture of the whole puzzle of humanity.
Discovery is Often Traumatic
NPE is a genealogical research acronym for non-paternity event that’s been expanded to mean not parent expected to be more inclusive in a modern context. The affordability of testing, and the marketing of it as entertainment, has led to an unexpected upending of family life. Discovering that one has no genetic connection to one or both parents is traumatic, it maps to the definition of trauma accepted by the American Psychiatric Association. The event is sudden or unexpected, as many people affected took the test for recreational purposes, not knowing it could reveal unknown relatives. The experience is perceived as overwhelming and/or uncontrollable. It can result in feelings of helplessness, a lack of a sense of safety, and a lack of control. Unknown paternity, for any reason, brings social judgment, distress, and shame. Individual situations may result in additional stigmas, such as those related to perceived illegitimacy, having a single parent, infidelity, rape, incest, adoption, infertility, donor insemination, and/ or being in the child welfare system. This judgment, distress, and stigma happens at all levels. The individual themselves may experience emergent mental health symptoms. Within families, the person making this discovery is typically blamed for causing the family shame and for their ensuing symptoms of anxiety and depression. Like every other trauma, it often generates secondary adversities, life changes, and distressing reminders.
In a 2022 study, Grethel et al. found NPEs often reported a profound sense of grief and loss and an unstable sense of who they were in their family contexts. They reported feelings of shock, denial, anger, fear, confusion, isolation, extreme emotional responses, and bodily sensations such as feeling frozen, dazed, and dysregulated. Though the situations were not their fault, many felt the discovery brought about shame and a desire for secrecy. Those who chose to reveal their findings often found their difficulties were minimized and dismissed by friends and family. According to 2021 research by Gina Daniels, PhD, the traditional mental health system is not equipped to support and help people with a not parent expected experience. Her findings indicate that relationships are altered, identity is changed, and support is sought to cope with the new information. Research in this area is sparse yet conclusive with respect to the magnitude of impact and the need for effective interventions.
Intergenerational Trauma
An NPE discovery is often a manifestation of a traumatic or shame-producing experience of a child’s mother. There are different mechanisms and layers of generational trauma beginning in utero and inclusive of bonding in early childhood. When individuals have gone through something traumatic, they may pass triggers of that trauma along to their offspring through modeling, social learning, and even at the genetic level. Articles by Campbell & Stanton (2019) and Grethel et al. (2022) explore the influence of adult attachment styles on trust in romantic relationships and the psychological impacts of unexpected paternity revelations on relationships with significant others. These articles highlight the importance of understanding attachment dynamics in shaping relational support and counseling services for individuals navigating the aftermath of genetic revelations.
A study by Dias et al explores the transgenerational transmission of fear behavior in mice generations resulting from parental experiences. The researchers exposed male mice to an odor (acetophenone) paired with a mild foot shock, resulting in a conditioned fear response. They found that the children of these mice exhibited increased sensitivity to the odor and enhanced learning of fear response, despite never being exposed to the shock themselves. Furthermore, the researchers observed similar effects in the subsequent generation (grandchildren), suggesting transgenerational transmission of the fear response. We have discovered via epigenetics that trauma in individuals’ environments can change their genetic coding, potentially having an impact on grandchildren they’ve never met. This can give additional insight and validation to the trauma of the NPE experience and the need for healing.
According to the Healing Foundation in Australia, “If people don’t have the opportunity to heal from trauma, they may unknowingly pass it on to others through their behavior. Their children may experience difficulties with attachment, disconnection from their extended families and culture, and high levels of stress from family and community members who are dealing with the impacts of trauma. This can create developmental issues for children, who are particularly susceptible to distress at a young age. This creates a cycle of trauma, where the impact is passed from one generation to the next.”
Alignment with Psychedelics
Both the technology of DNA mapping and the emerging field of psychedelics are modern frontiers. It’s been suggested that Francis Crick co-discovered the helix structure of DNA while under the influence of LSD. Psychedelics theoretically helped uncover something previously unseen that was always there. NPEs and psychoactive plants have both been around since recorded history, yet it’s only now that we have the scientific backing to explore their rightful position in our culture.
Psychedelics refer to plant-based medicines with mind altering properties found in nature or compounds created in labs with similar properties. Some examples are MDMA, psilocybin, LSD, and ayahuasca. They have been used to assist in traditional therapy and have shown promise in addressing a range of mental health issues, including anxiety, depression, PTSD, and existential distress. These substances were classified as drugs of abuse yet were widely used in the 60s and 70s with great influence on individuals and in our culture. They became symbolic of the counterculture and in the 80s and 90s were victims of the War on Drugs and prohibition. Since then, advocates like Lycos Therapeutics have been jumping through academic hoops to bring psychedelics back into therapeutic use by seeking reclassification from the FDA. In the US, the Center for Psychedelic and Consciousness Research has been operating at Johns Hopkins since 2000 to get psilocybin approved for treatment of psychiatric conditions. Currently, only Ketamine is legally available for therapeutic use outside of research studies. Some states and municipalities have decriminalized psilocybin, and the push continues to make these treatments legally available and accessible to those that can benefit.
Individuals who discover unexpected paternity or other genetic revelations may experience a range of psychological and emotional reactions including confusion, grief, identity questioning, and relationship strain. Psychedelic therapy, with its potential to induce altered states of consciousness, may offer a unique opportunity for individuals to explore and process these complex emotions in a supportive therapeutic environment.
Psychedelic therapy stresses the treatment environment as a key factor in successful outcomes. The mindset of an individual entering the psychedelic experience is vital to the expansion of consciousness and amplification of awareness. Misattributed parentage discoveries cause people to reevaluate everything in their past. It triggers an unburdening of past harm. That reevaluation can be a way to reclaim their right to happiness through acceptance of pain, seeking relief, and being open to what comes. Given this, it will be important to center self-compassion. We hope compassion for ourselves can lead to compassion for others in the larger picture of what we are experiencing.
Psychedelic therapy may foster increased self-awareness and insight into one’s identity, allowing individuals to explore their sense of self beyond biological lineage and familial relationships. Through guided therapy sessions at all stages, individuals may be able to integrate newfound knowledge about their genetic heritage into their sense of self and develop strategies for accepting and integrating this information into their lives. Psychedelic experiences often evoke profound existential and spiritual insights, which could help individuals find meaning and purpose beyond biological connections, fostering a sense of belonging and interconnectedness with humanity in the larger sense. The therapy often facilitates profound and transformative experiences that can lead to increased self-awareness, personal insights, and emotional processing. These effects may be particularly beneficial for individuals grappling with identity-related challenges stemming from misattributed parentage.
Healing through creation of a new narrative
For NPEs, their given origin story was a lie. In “Research Suggests People Who Believe They Were Unwanted or Unplanned Babies Likely Have More Troubled Close Relationships,” the authors examine the impact of family narratives on personal identity, self-concept, and psychological well-being. The article illuminates the ways in which narratives about conception and birth shape individuals’ perceptions of themselves and their relationships with family members. These authors’ findings underscore the long-term psychological impact of perceived circumstances of birth on individuals’ interpersonal dynamics and highlight the importance of addressing such factors in psychological interventions and counseling. Ogden and Syder’s research emphasizes the importance of understanding the socio-cultural context of family storytelling and its implications for individual mental health. This study contributes to a broader understanding of the role of narrative in shaping human experience and identity.
These articles highlight the significance of family stories and personal narratives in individuals’ sense-making processes, emphasizing the need for culturally sensitive approaches to understanding unexpected paternity disclosures. Healing requires people to have insight, and insight is the greatest indicator of mental health. In psychedelic therapy, psychedelic medicines are used to access inner healing wisdom and help people make sense of a previously unknown situation and put it in a context of generations past and generations forward.
Conclusions
I recently completed the California Institute of Integral Studies Certificate program in Psychedelic Therapy and Research. Although my experience with psychedelic treatment modalities is limited by current legal access, I believe in this treatment. Both my experience as an NPE and having participated in this program have validated that trauma is underneath most mental harm and distress. When we address trauma in whatever way we address it, we are helping individuals, families. and our culture become whole.
The NPE experience and psychedelic assisted therapies both promise to disrupt the status quo and our understanding of the ways in which society is organized. In my experience, I recognize that self-trust has been the most damaging loss. Growing up, things were not as they seemed—my internal experience did not reflect the external world. Because this happened when I was a child, I learned to ignore my internal experience and trust the external world. That lack of self-trust has led to mental health problems, problems in relationships, and challenges in the world of work as well. A treatment that relies on inner healing wisdom and restoring belief in self is exactly what NPEs need. I believe psychedelic therapy is an important treatment intervention for a population that is desperate for help and support. If you are an NPE in need of support, you can apply to join the twice monthly DNA NPE Healing Hearts Free Live Zoom Discussion Group led by Nancy Patchak, Sharon Potter and me. If you are interested in learning more about psychedelic therapy, email me at aebbeson@gmail.com or find me on social media.
Amy Ebbeson, LCSW is the director of Worcester ACTs (Addresses Childhood Trauma). She has a master’s in clinical social work from Boston University and a Certificate in Psychedelic Therapies from the California Institute of Integral Studies. She has taught mental health content to students at the undergraduate and graduate level at colleges including Worcester State University, Springfield College, and the Wheelock College School of Social Work. She considers trauma to be the thread that connects all her work. Ebbeson has a solid understanding of the trauma knowledge base but has recognized that learning from lived experience is very different from learning in the classroom. It’s her hope that recognizing the impact of trauma will help us heal as individuals and that this will lead us to healing our communities. She is also a maker of bold necklaces, a mom, and a dog lover. Find her at https://www.worcesteracts.org/ and on LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.
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