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Severance Magazine
Monthly Archives

November 2023

    BooksShort Takes

    Secrets of the Asylum: Norwich State Hospital and My Family

    by bkjax November 27, 2023

    When Julianne Mangin was young, her mother, Pauline, would recite these meager facts of her own family history: that her mother ran a delicatessen, a business set up by her uncle; that when Pauline was six, her mother was sent to a mental hospital; and that the girl was then taken from her “good father” and left to grow up in a county home. Over time, Mangin came to wonder why these memories, recalled without emotion or elaboration, came to summarize the family history. How accurate were they, and what wasn’t being said? Secrets of the Asylum—a decades-long endeavor to answer these questions, points to the limitations of family lore and the power of denial.

    In 2012, after her mother moved to an assisted living apartment, Mangin took possession of boxes of her photo albums and—though she had little interest in them—her genealogy files. But several weeks into retirement from her career as a librarian at the Library of Congress, she became curious. What she found was a haphazard collection of records, with duplicate and misplaced files and great gaps in research—surprising since her mother had also been a student of library science.

    Mangin took up the task of organizing the materials even though she had no desire to pick up where her mother had left off. But as anyone who’s jumped into genealogy rabbit holes knows, once you start, even if reluctantly, it’s nearly impossible to stop. Mangin became curious about the gaps in her mother’s records, wondering if they were intentional and whether they existed because additional information might upend the stories Pauline told herself.

    The culmination of years of dogged detective work, Mangin’s book is deeply researched and equally deeply thoughtful. After obtaining a trove of records from Norwich State Hospital and combining the information they contain with that from her own relentless fact-finding, she pulls on the threads of mental illness running through four individuals on the maternal side of her family and traces the effect of their illnesses and incarcerations on their descendants.

    Her journey of discovery demonstrates that genealogy is more than a matter of tree-building. It’s evidence, as Shakespeare wrote, that “What’s past is prologue.” Her story movingly illustrates the way the past informs the present—how understanding the past helps us better know ourselves. Mangin, for example, gained insight into her relationship with her mother by uncovering the generational trauma that molded them both.

    It was a realization that dawned slowly for the author. “I started out, during my transformation from reluctant genealogist to ardent family historian, just wanting a version of my family that made sense…. I sensed that there might be a bigger benefit to knowing the truth about the past, but wasn’t sure what it might be,” she writes. “Putting the facts along a timeline wasn’t enough. Sometimes, I had to wait until the meaning of these events evolved in my mind and the deeper connections between them emerged.”

    She was deep into research before the purpose and significance of her quest became apparent. “I was starting to get it, why genealogists become obsessed with details of their ancestors’ lives,” she writes. “It’s the only way we can hope to know the people from whom we are descended, especially if they died before we were born. It was part of my need for a narrative, a story of where I came from, and what I might have inherited from my family line.”

    While the story Mangin deftly weaves is highly personal and heartfelt, it’s also a slice of social history, examining both the consequences of poverty and the questionable treatment of the mentally ill in the first half of the 20th century.

    And yes, as you might guess, there’s an NPE (not parent expected) in these pages, but you’ll have to read it to find out where.

    —BKJ

    November 27, 2023 3 comments
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  • AdoptionArticles

    Never Too Late

    by bkjax November 27, 2023
    November 27, 2023

    By Sara Easterly As an adoptee who writes and speaks in adoption spaces, I’ve encountered many adoptive parents with adult-aged adoptees who are struggling because their children have created necessary boundaries, asked for distance, or cut off ties altogether. Most of these parents entered into adoption without access to adoptee-centered information in a time that lacked much, if any, post-adoption support. They may have made it through what seemed like normal years raising their children into adulthood and have been looking forward to blissful years of parenting “retirement,” only to realize that adoption has presented new hurdles to a rewarding relationship with their adult children. If you’re faced with a similar parenting challenge right now, there may be a way through. Insight into what could be going on underneath the situation points the way. Three things adoptees’ boundaries or distancing might be telling you: 1. Adoptees may be experiencing an adolescence. Adolescence is described by child developmental psychologist Gordon Neufeld, PhD, as the bridge between childhood and adulthood. For adoptees, adolescence is often delayed or we undergo a second adolescence in adulthood designed to complete any unfinished business from the first. There could be a couple of reasons for this: • Important identity tasks of adolescence can be complicated for adoptees. On a physical level and on a day to day basis, we’re without genetic mirrors that would help normalize our physical or behavioral traits and proclivities or understand our changing bodies. If we’re in a closed adoption, it can be hard to imagine ourselves 15, 30, or more years down the road when our first parents’ faces aren’t accessible to offer glimpses of our future selves. These are just some of the things that can impact the identity tasks of adolescence, when we’re meant to confidently grow into ourselves. Click on the image to read more.

    Read more
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http://www.reckoningwiththeprimalwound.com

What’s New on Severance

  • There Was a Secret
  • Should Health Care Professionals Tell the Truth About Paternity?
  • 20 Questions and a World of Stories
  • The Wizard and I
  • Rabbit Holes and Hobbits
  • We Three

After a DNA Surprise: 10 Things No One Wants to Hear

https://www.righttoknow.us

Call Right To Know’s resource hotline to talk with another MPE be paired with a mentor, get resources, or just talk.

Original Birth Certificates to California Born Adoptees

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erHylYLHqXg&t=4s

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Recommended Reading

The Lost Family: How DNA is Upending Who We Are, by Libby Copeland. Check our News & Reviews section for a review of this excellent book about the impact on the culture of direct-to-consumer DNA testing.

What Happens When Parents Wait to Tell a Child He’s Adopted

“A new study suggests that learning about one’s adoption after a certain age could lead to lower life satisfaction in the future.”

Janine Vance Searches for the Truth About Korean Adoptees

“Imagine for a minute that you don’t know who your mother is. Now imagine that you are that mother, and you don’t know what became of your daughter.”

Who’s Your Daddy? The Twisty History of Paternity Testing

“Salon talks to author Nara B. Milanich about why in the politics of paternity and science, context is everything.”

What Separation from Parents Does to Children: ‘The Effect is Catastrophic”

“This is what happens inside children when they are forcibly separated from their parents.”

Truth: A Love Story

“A scientist discovers his own family’s secret.”

Dear Therapist: The Child My Daughter Put Up for Adoption is Now Rejecting Her

“She thought that her daughter would want to meet her one day. Twenty-five years later, that’s not true.”

I’m Adopted and Pro-Choice. Stop Using My Story for the Anti-Abortion Agenda. Stephanie Drenka’s essay for the Huffington Post looks at the way adoptees have made unwilling participants in conversations about abortion.

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@2019 - Severance Magazine

Severance Magazine
  • About
    • About Severance
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    • Psychology & Therapy & Coaching
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Severance Magazine
  • About
    • About Severance
    • From the Editor
    • Submission Guidelines: How to Contribute
    • Contact Us
  • Articles
    • abandonment
    • Adoption
    • Advocacy
    • DNA & Genetic Genealogy
    • DNA Surprises
    • Donor Conception
    • Family Secrets
    • Genetics & Heredity
    • Interviews & Profiles
    • Late Discovery Adoptees
    • Psychology & Therapy
    • NPEs/MPEs
    • Search & Reunion
  • Essays & Fiction
    • abandonment
    • Adoption
    • DNA surprises
    • Donor Conception
    • NPEs/MPEs
    • Late Discovery Adoptees
    • Search & Reunion
    • Secrets & Lies
  • Short Takes
    • Short Takes: Books
    • Short Takes: Film & Video
    • Short Takes: People, News & Research
    • Short Takes: Podcasts & Radio
  • Self Care & Coping
    • Coping Strategies
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  • Speak Out
    • Micro-Memoirs
    • Your Video Stories
  • Resources
    • Start Here
    • Abandonment
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    • DNA & Genetic Genealogy
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    • NPEs (Not parent expected) & MPEs (Misattributed parentage experience)
    • Psychology & Therapy & Coaching
    • Search & Reunion
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@2019 - Severance Magazine