By Elizabeth S. Reeves
It’s been almost three years since my DNA discovery. I’m one of the lucky NPEs (not parent expected). I’ve been accepted by my paternal family, but that comes with its own difficulties. This isn’t a happily ever after ending. I feel like I’m on the outside looking in. My analogy is that I’m sitting at the kiddie table—loved and accepted, but not equal. I live 1,800 miles away from my birth father and my half siblings. It’s impossible to be included in their family get togethers and celebrations or to just hang out to get to know them.
It’s been a year since I asked my birth father to legally adopt me. I desperately need my birth certificate corrected. Unfortunately, his wife isn’t ready to make that change. I’m compassionate toward her feelings but it’s extremely painful not to have control over my own truth. I have no power over my biological identity. First, my mother held it, and now my birth father and his wife are holding it. The longer I wait to be legitimate, claimed, the less hopeful I become. The feeling of being unworthy is suffocating.
At the same time, I’m trying to heal from the fact my mother kept my truth hidden from me. She knew I suspected her first husband wasn’t my father, yet she never fessed up. I’m unraveling me, shedding the person my mother programmed to me.
My journey changes so quickly that I can’t heal from one blow before the next one comes. I joke with my therapist that our sessions are about the “flavor of the week.”
I am lost in the messy middle while trying to find my place in a story I never knew I was part of.
Elizabeth Reeves holds a master’s degree in human services and is a wife, mother of three adult children, 500-hour certified yoga instructor, and indie author of the memoir Journey of an Outlier: Surviving Childhood Trauma and DNA Betrayal. Her personal journey of discovering the truth about her biological identity has shaped her understanding of family, belonging, and healing. As she navigates the complexities of DNA betrayal and finding her place in a family she never knew she had, she continues to explore what it means to heal and find belonging. Outside of writing, she enjoys hiking, exploring the outdoors, and spending quality time with her husband and children. Contact her at npeoutlier@gmail.com.