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Severance Magazine
Tag:

MPEs

    ArticlesNPEs/MPEs

    Should Health Care Professionals Tell the Truth About Paternity?

    by bkjax April 14, 2025

    By Jodi Girard, MS

    On September 28, 2018, at 3 p.m., I opened an email from Ancestry.com notifying me that my DNA results were ready. When I clicked on the ethnicity tab, I saw 52% England/Northwestern Europe and 46% West Coast of Africa. ā€œThat’s odd. How can that be?ā€ I thought to myself. I know what my dad looks like, I know what my mom looks like. I called one of my best friends who had taken an ancestry test to see if she could help me understand what I was looking at. I went to her house and showed her my results and she got very quiet.Ā 

    ā€œHow are you feeling?ā€ she asked.Ā 

    ā€œAbout what?ā€

    ā€œYou’re half Black.ā€ I had seen the results on the screen with my own two eyes, but it wasn’t until my friend said the words out loud, ā€œyou’re half Blackā€ that it really hit me. I sat in stunned silence. This can’t be. Someone would have told me. My parents would never have hidden something this important. I couldn’t think, scenes from my entire life were swirling through my mind. Who else knew? I replayed every family event, every conversation, every look. I felt like someone was choking the very life out of me, pulling me apart. I didn’t know what to do next.

    While my story is unique in several significant ways, it also mirrors the experiences of many others who have encountered a misattributed paternity surprise. This is often referred to by acronyms such as NPE (non-paternal event) or MPE (misattributed parentage experience). Whatever the label, the outcome is the same: we believed we knew our biological parent(s), we took a DNA test, and then learned that a fundamental truth about our lives was false.

    The shock of receiving unexpected DNA results can be overwhelming. It disrupts your sense of self and everything you thought you knew about your identity. For me, despite the stark physical differences between me and my two white parents, I was flooded with a whirlwind of emotions—confusion, disbelief, curiosity, anger, bitterness, and even a sense of loss for the identity I had always believed was mine. This journey of self-discovery has fundamentally reshaped how I see myself and where I come from, leading to a profound shift in my understanding of who I am. Even the most grounded and rational individuals can find themselves searching for clarity in the midst of the chaos. Many people channel their anger, hurt, and confusion into helping others through podcasts, blogs, books, conferences, and Facebook support groups. It was at a conference that I first encountered, Richard Wenzel, a writer and speaker, about the NPE/MPE experience, who posed some difficult yet pivotal questions to me.Ā 

    ā€œDidn’t your pediatrician ever ask you or your mother about the obvious physical differences between you and your parents? There are important chronic diseases that disproportionately affect the Black community—were you ever tested or monitored for these? And when you had children, didn’t any of your doctors ask about your white only family history?ā€ Stunned, I sat in silence before answering, ā€œNo. No one has ever asked me those questions. Ever.ā€

    It had never occurred to me that medical professionals, in order to treat me, and eventually my children, appropriately, might need to inquire about the physical anomalies that contradicted the family history I had always shared. After our discussion, Richard introduced me to other incredible women, each with their own NPE stories, offering unique perspectives on his questions. Our collective answers, combined with Richard’s own experience as an NPE, sparked his drive to write an article addressing a significant issue: erroneous family medical history (FMH).

    Alongside Richard, Eve Sturges, Gina Daniel, Lily Wood* and I set out to craft an article exploring how medical organizations recommend handling misattributed paternity discoveries. We examined whether and how this discovery should be disclosed to genetic or non-genetic parents or to the children in question. What is the responsibility of pediatricians and doctors when they uncover an a case of misattributed parentage? Does it matter whether this is discovered through genetic testing or by observing physical attributes that don’t align with the parents’? What does it look like to have compassionate, medically appropriate conversations when disclosing this information? And when is it appropriate to disclose, especially when the child is a minor?

    Our article delves into current practices, points out potential contradictions, and examines the clinical and legal risks associated with both disclosure and non-disclosure. We note that the consequences of inaccurate family medical histories are significant. Learning that our article had been accepted for publication in the American Journal of Human Genetics was an exhilarating moment. This milestone has led us down numerous paths to help others navigate similar revelations. Our hope is to educate others to continue this important conversation about a subject that grows in prevalence with each DNA kit that’s purchased. View the article here.

    *For more information about the article coauthors, please see their previously published Severance articles:

    Richard Wenzel – PharmD – Too Bad, They’re Dead – Severance Magazine

    Gina Daniel, DSW, LCSW, therapist, owner of Graystone Mental Health and Wellness Group – Ā Q&A With Gina Daniel – Severance Magazine

    Lily Wood – host of NPE Stories –Ā Q & A With Lily Wood, Host of NPE Stories – Severance Magazine

    Eve Sturges, LMFT, host of Everything’s Relative – Q&A: Podcast Host Eve Sturges – Severance Magazine

    Jodi Girard, MS,  grew up on a rural Iowa farm with two white parents and two white siblings and clearly looked different. Despite that, she never asked her parents why and no one ever talked about it. When the DNA test revealed that her ethnicity was 46% West Coast of Africa, her life was turned upside down. Discovering that the father who raised her, who loved her, was not her biological father was both devastating and freeing. For the first time in her life, the image in the mirror made sense ,and she had people she looked like. On the other hand, she had been telling a narrative her whole life that wasn’t true. She is still working on figuring out what it means to be a biracial woman, finding pride in both her white side and her black side. She has enjoyed getting to know her new siblings and cousins. She has found strength in the NPE community and in support groups like NPE Network and Right to Know. Her struggle has found meaning and purpose in sharing the truth now and she hopes to help others navigate a DNA discovery, especially when it involves a major ethnicity shift. She has appeared on The Bradley Hall Show, Show 029 (May 28, 2021), Missing Pieces NPE Life Podcast with Don Anderson Season 3, Episode 7 (July 27, 2023), NPE Stories podcast Episode 213 (with the other authors of the article) (February 19, 2025) and was a speaker on an Ethnicity Shift Panel, Untangling Our Roots Summit, April 2023, Louisville, KY. She lives in Kansas City and is the mother of five amazing children. She loves gardening, reading, cooking and fossil hunting. Find her on Instagram @fullyknown92818.

    April 14, 2025 0 comments
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  • ArticlesNPEs/MPEs

    Meet Your Peers at the Untangling Our Roots Summit

    by bkjax February 6, 2023
    February 6, 2023

    By Kara Rubinstein Deyerin People with misattributed parentage, DNA surprises, and unknown origins have a lot in common. Many of us learn about being misattributed because we are byproducts of the direct-to-consumer DNA testing phenomenon. We bought into the commercial enticing us to learn more about our roots, or perhaps we were gifted a test, and then we received the shock of our lives—we are not genetically related to one or both of our parents. Some of us grow up knowing we have a different genetic parent(s) out there, somewhere, but aren’t interested in knowing them. However we get there, when we start the process of reunion, we all end up in a very similar emotional space. One thing I continue to hear as I speak with people experiencing these new discoveries is ā€œI felt all alone.ā€ I can completely identify with this sentiment. While each of our stories isĀ unique,Ā  many common themes flow through them. We are not alone. United we can help each other heal. We can educate others about how deeply we are impacted. And we can elevate each other’s voices to change societal perceptions and laws to reflect our most basic right to know who we are. Untangling Our Roots is the first-ever summit to promote these principles and bring together adoptees, the donor-conceived, people with an NPE, their significant others, raising and genetic family, and the professionals who assist our communities–an event sponsored by Right to Know and the National Association of Adoptees and Parents. Click image to read more.

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  • Essays, Fiction, PoetryNPEs

    Day Two

    by bkjax May 16, 2022
    May 16, 2022

    So what are we supposed to do the day after—the day after our life is upended by a call, an email, a Facebook message, or clicking on new DNA results? Mail-away DNA kits promise adventures of discovery, mysterious and exotic cultures, and inspired histories of relatives once lost; they are instead Pandora’s boxes and, once opened, can never again be closed. My kit certainly led to discovery as promised, but not the kind seen reflected in carefully crafted and nostalgic commercials. In my case, half of my family tree, meticulously constructed over decades, lay in pieces on the floor, leaves violently stripped from limbs in a sudden storm. The father who appeared in my now fading childhood photos and forever inscribed on my birth certificate, prominently positioned on the first branch in that tree, hadn’t, I discovered, created me. His leaf was the first to fall. I numbly stared at the screen as each of my four paternal half-siblings faded entirely away. A full-sibling transformed into a half-sibling. My paternal tree was bare. DNA tells no lies, and the truths it reveals can be shocking. Day One, Discovery Day, raises questions rather than answering them. What the hell just happened? Who is my father? How does one deal with a half-empty tree at 58 years old? How does one process a nearly sixty-year-old lie? With these and countless other questions racing in my mind, I did something counterintuitive and went to sleep, my brain pleading for time to decompress. On day two of my non-paternal event (NPE) journey, I woke surprisingly calm and energized despite having no earthly idea what I needed to do next. I was accustomed to dealing with complex problems, but this was like no mystery I had ever tried to solve. I paused, took a deep breath, took inventory of what I had at my disposal, and was encouraged by what I found. The abundance and quality of my DNA matches were tremendous assets. While there were no parent or sibling matches on my list, there was an individual labeled as a possible ā€œ1st cousinā€ who had a publicly available tree with 1000+ entries. All by itself, that was a gold mine. I also matched with several dozen second and third cousins and noted the same surname repeatedly appeared in that group. A quick cross-reference with my first cousin’s tree found that same name within his first two generations, so the odds favored I was on to something important right away. Was that my father’s name? While I technically had a free Ancestry account, I quickly discovered that I would need to upgrade to gain access to any of the choice information I needed to fill in the many voids in my understanding, so I paid for the cheapest version offered. The resources available through this paid account were immense and much better than expected, but I hadn’t opted for the more expensive plan that provided access to old newspapers. I quickly learned that was a mistake, so I did what any other mature and law-abiding citizen would do in my situation and became a Google and social media stalker.

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  • Essays, Fiction, PoetryNPEs

    What I Hope My Son and I Learn from My NPE Experience

    by bkjax May 4, 2022
    May 4, 2022

    We were sitting in the car on the way home from school and I shared with my son how I re-discovered a childhood Bible of mine that my dad had given me, and I couldn’t wait to show him because my dad had really cool handwriting. He replied, ā€œI think I got my handwriting from my dadā€¦ā€ then we had this pause moment that comes with the reality of anĀ NPE discovery. My dad, his grandpa, didn’t pass his cool handwriting down to him—or the color of his hair, his eyes, none of it. We foundĀ this outĀ a little over a year ago – and it’s been a struggle for me to return to center. But then the empathy and grace came in:Ā ā€œHe wasn’t your genetic daddy but he taught you lots of stuff and that counts too, mama.ā€ Empathy for other people’s experiences is something I hope he’s gaining from this experience he’s walking with me. Since late March 2021, no, mama hasn’t been okay—not 100%. But I’m working on it each and every day, and he sees that. People have reacted differently to this experience—and we talk about how there’s no good or bad guy—just people doing the best we can to deal with something traumatic and new. He sees me have good days and bad days. Of course, I shield him from most of my bad days, but he knows words like ā€œmental healthā€ and ā€œtherapyā€ and ā€œgratitude journalā€ and he sees me struggle but he also sees me succeed. And I get the blessing of seeing him grow and learn and absorb, and I am amazed at his self-confidence and sense of self.

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  • ArticlesDonor Conception

    Q&A With Peter Boni

    by bkjax March 28, 2022
    March 28, 2022

    In 1995, when Peter J. Boni’s mother experienced a stroke after open heart surgery, the walls she’d built to hold back a secret for nearly half a century crumbled. In rehab, she began to tell visitors what she never told him—that his father wasn’t his father, that he’d been donor conceived. And so began a quest to learn the truth of his origins and the nature of the societal forces that led to the circumstances of his birth—the subject of his new book,Ā Uprooted: Family Trauma, Unknown Origins and the Secretive History of Artificial Insemination. Roughly halfway through his narrative Boni says, ā€œNever doubt my resolve.ā€ But his dogged determination is evident from the first page. Early on, it’s clear that after serving as a US Army Special Operations Team Leader in Vietnam, he was the go-to guy in his business sphere, where he was a successful high-tech CEO/entrepreneur/venture capitalist and more—and he tore into his personal mystery with the same can-do attitude—a tenacity that fueled him through the 22 years it took to solve the puzzle of his parentage. Uprooted is comprised of four parts that add up to exceptional storytelling. It’s compelling memoir of a troubled childhood with an unwell father, a determination to succeed, and the challenges of grappling with the emotional fallout of his family’s secrets. It’s also an exhaustive and insightful account of the history of assisted reproductive technology; a cogent indictment of the flaws of the largely unregulated, multi-billion-dollar industry; and a rallying cry for advocacy with a prescription for change. Boni’s scope is ambitious and he succeeds on every level. Donor conceived people will see themselves reflected in his moving testimony about the consequences and repercussions of the inconvenient truth of donor conception. Many will feel seen and heard as he describes genealogical bewilderment and the roiling emotions aroused by the revelation of family secrets, the shattering of comfortable notions of identity, and the lack of knowledge about his genetic information. It’s a must-read not only for donor conceived people but also for donors and recipient parents as well as fertility practitioners, lawmakers, behavioral health providers, and anyone contemplating creating a family through assisted reproduction. While the actors in a deeply flawed industry who are motivated solely by profit aren’t likely to be swayed by Boni’s arguments or embrace his suggested reforms, Uprooted may fuel a wildfire of advocacy that has the potential to give rise to meaningful legislation, transparency and accountability, and a true cultural shift.

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  • ArticlesNPEs/MPEs

    I Just Found Out I’m Jewish, But Am I Jewish?

    by bkjax March 10, 2022
    March 10, 2022

    First, if you feel called to read this essay, then you belong here. Welcome. Do you belong in the Jewish community? Are you a part of this religion, culture, and peoplehood? Are you actually technically Jewish at all? To give a very Jewish answer: yes, no, maybe. It depends. But this journey of exploration and curiosity—of questioning and wrestling—is absolutely yours for the taking. So welcome. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Not everyone along the way will greet you with such open arms, so I want to make sure that mine are stretched extra wide. An NPE* discovery is complicated enough, but when compounded by an ethnicity discovery—a Jewish ethnicity discovery especially—the complications are magnified. And Jewish identity is complicated enough, even for people who were raised Jewish. DNA testing may be new, but the question of ā€œwho counts as a Jewā€ is as old as Judaism itself. Judaism is an ethnicity, as you may have just learned unexpectedly, but it’s also a culture, a spiritual practice, a community, a set of laws, a set of holy days, and unendingly more. How many of those boxes must a person tick in order to be counted among the tribe? The answer remains: it depends. There’s a beloved aphorism: for every two Jews, you get three opinions. Judaism is far more concerned with asking questions than it is with answering them. So if you came to this article asking ā€œAm I Jewish?ā€ be forewarned: you won’t get a clear answer. But you will, I hope, get a solid footing for the start of your journey, should you choose to embark. The Rabbinic Answer Let’s start with the answer you’d be most likely to get if you googled ā€œAm I Jewish?ā€ Or, let’s say you told a rabbi: ā€œI just found out that I’m biologically half Jewish because the dad that I thought was my dad isn’t my dad and my DNA isn’t what I thought it was—what does that mean?ā€ First, the rabbi would probably respond the same way most people do: a polite ā€œplease slow down because I don’t believe what I’m hearing,ā€ or something of that ilk. Then, the rabbi would likely say that, according to halakha (Jewish law), you must be born to a Jewish mother or have entered the faith through conversion. For an NPE, then, this sounds like a resounding no: you are not, by law, a Jew. A reform or reconstructionist rabbi (these are the more socially progressive and halakhically creative of the four main Jewish denominations: learn more here) would tell you that patrilineal Jews count, but only if they’re raised Jewish—so you’re still out of luck.

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  • ArticlesNPEs/MPEs

    RTK Offers New Continuing Education Courses

    by bkjax March 1, 2022
    March 1, 2022

    It’s what those of us with misattributed parentage like to call ā€œsibling seasonā€ā€”the time when people who received an over-the-counter DNA test for Christmas are getting the results. When you have a DNA surprise and learn the person who raised you is not your genetic parent, you are plummeted into a world of confusion, doubt, and shock. You feel all alone in your experience. You are likely thinking it is impossible that anyone else could possibly have such a crazy thing happened to them. And so when you turn to a professional—a licensed therapist—for help, the last thing you want to hear after explaining your situation during your first session is ā€œWow. That’s incredible. I’ve never heard of that before!ā€ We estimate that 1 in 20 people have misattributed parentage—that’s 16.6 million Americans who may innocently spit into a tube and discover they’re not who they thought they were. People have a misattributed parentage experience (MPE) from a variety of reasons: they discover they’re adopted, conceived through assisted reproduction or as a result of an extra-marital affair, rape, or other sexual encounter. Regardless of why someone has an MPE, the news is traumatic. ā€œAfter I told my therapist about my MPE, she said she had no idea how a person should respond to being told such a story.ā€ Lisa In Right to Know’s 2021 Survey of MPEs[1], 39% of those surveyed responded they’d sought help from a licensed therapist. Of those who saw a therapist, only 18% felt their therapists had sufficient training in misattributed parentage issues to assist them. This needs to change. ā€œToday I had a therapy session with yet another new therapist. Every time I have to educate my therapist on what an MPE is, how we feel, how our situation is life altering, how we have an identity crisis, and how we search for family…..ā€ Michelle Right to Know is a nonprofit dedicated to advocating for people with a DNA surprise and misattributed parentage and promoting understanding of the complex intersection of genetic information, identity, and family dynamics. To promote this goal, we now offer the first misattributed parentage education platform providing educational information on MPEs and the impacts of DNA surprises to professionals and the public. With this initiative, we aim to tackle one of the most important aspects of the MPE discovery—the need for training for licensed therapists and information for those affected by an MPE and the public at large. ā€œDuring my first visit to a therapist, she admitted this was all so new to everyone and she had no experience with this specific trauma, that there was no handbook on how to handle my feelings. She told me my mother had every right to lie to me, that it was her body.ā€ Dan

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  • AdvocacyArticlesNPEs

    Advocacy: Misattributed Parentage Experiences

    by bkjax June 28, 2021
    June 28, 2021

    The advent of over-the-counter DNA testing has unlocked the closet where many family secrets were kept. While many learn one (or both) of the parents who raised them are not their genetic parent from a DNA test, sometimes people find out in other ways. A mother with a 104-degree temperature might let it slip that she had a son as a teenager. A family friend may tell someone mourning his dad, possibly at his funeral, that the suffered from infertility and had used a sperm donor. And sometimes having a child of their own prompts individuals to search for their biological family because they grew up with a vague idea of who their fathers were. Regardless of how one learns about misattributed parentage, the process of coping with such an experience is daunting and life-changing. Right to Know is a non-profit founded on the principle that it’s a fundamental human right to know one’s genetic identity. We believe in inclusivity and embrace anyone who facing misattributed parentage. To that end we use the term misattributed parentage experience (MPE) to describe the phenomenon of coping with the fact that you did not grow up knowing your genetic parent. It’s a term used by mental health professionals for decades. We believe the word experience best describes the long-term effects we all have, as opposed to “event,” which is a one-time occurrence. The ramifications of an MPE last a lifetime to some degree.

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  • ArticlesDNA SurprisesNPEsPsychology & Therapy

    Q&A With Gina Daniel

    by bkjax June 16, 2021
    June 16, 2021

    Did your upbringing influence your desire to be a social worker and if so, in what way? I expected to become an elementary teacher growing up and had no idea what social work was until I was in my 20s. However, once I discovered social work, I knew that was what I needed to do. My upbringing was full of moments when I was a little social worker (counseling, advocating, and educating) but I did not know it until later. I was raised by a single father who worked hard to be sure we could pay the rent. All the moms in the neighborhood helped to raise me. You were already a social worker and well into your doctoral studies when you decided to change the topic of your dissertation. Can you explain why you chose to align your scholarly interests with your NPE experience? I was. That was quite the detour. I trust my gut with most everything I do. I could not find a way to study school social work (my profession) in a way that felt interesting to me. Once the NPE event happened, I brought it to my committee and they helped me determine that this was the path that fit better for me. Knowing there was little to no scholarly research at that time was a huge attraction to me as well. I agreed and was willing to do the extra work. How, specifically, did you design your thesis—what were you looking to discover and how did you propose to accomplish that? I knew I would do interviews for qualitative research. The idea of secrets kept was fascinating. Also, the impact that this discovery had on me and how off balance I felt at middle age got me interested in the impact on identity. The obvious path was discussing the impact on family of origin relationships—living or deceased and on the new family relationships—living or deceased. You interviewed 51 people. Can you describe those interviews—how you selected subjects and what the interviews involved? I was a part of one of the private NPE Facebook groups that agreed to work with me then backed out. Another Facebook group offered assistance then stalled. Finally, a woman who was starting another NPE Facebook group offered to assist. I was a member but did not participate for a long time. The process was an advertisement of the study and a link for those interested. The criteria for interviews included having discovered paternity through a direct-to-consumer DNA Ancestry test, living in North America, being over 18. The first round of interviews was in the fall of 2019, the second round of interviews was in the fall of 2020. Unfortunately, the first round interviews were not used in the final study. It’s a complicated story but every one of those interviews mattered significantly to me and, interestingly, my findings were the same. The interviews were incredible. People were so willing to share their personal stories, so interested in helping other NPEs, and were so vulnerable and lovely. I feel incredibly lucky to have shared some time with all of these amazing individuals.

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  • BooksShort Takes

    Folksong — An Excerpt

    by bkjax February 19, 2021
    February 19, 2021

    DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE Are we better off forgetting the details? I started writing this memoir as a way to process my mother’s death and remember the events surrounding it as they happened before coping mechanisms settled in to destroy the memories in order to protect me. But I haven’t yet been able to write about the actual moment of her death. I’ve been avoiding it. I’ve been avoiding reliving those moments because writing them down will make them real again in my mind and bring me one step closer to a breakdown. My mother went out of this world like she came in. ā€œThe Red Menace,ā€ as she was called by someone along the way—probably my father, made her own choice as to when to go. There was no peaceful exit, even though we were there, holding her hands and singing to her. A timebomb went off and simultaneously destroyed her body and my life. Perhaps that sounds dramatic, but I was simply not prepared for the devastation left in her wake or for the PTSD I experienced, like a soldier having returned from war. I’ll be honest: I was a little worried about my mental health in the months after she died. I was able to cope better when I was with my brothers and sister. Maybe something about being together again reminded me that, in spite of the years apart and the distance between us, we are still a family. We grew up together and got on each other’s nerves as children (and still do now as adults). When we are together, I remember I am not just an interloper to their happy little trio. Nothing has changed.

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  • ArticlesDNA SurprisesLate Discovery AdopteesNPEsPsychology & Therapy

    Why Don’t Men Want to Talk About it?

    by bkjax February 1, 2021
    February 1, 2021

    In Facebook groups for people with not parent expected (NPEs) or misattributed parentage experiences (MPEs), there’s a consistent large difference in the ratio of men to women. If you were a man looking to meet women, this would be a place to be. There’s typically a handful of men and thousands of women. Where are all the guys? Percentage-wise there couldn’t be that many more women than men having DNA surprises. So what’s going on here? Looking at the bigger picture, this is a fairly common phenomenon among individuals with depression, anxiety, stress, and other mental health concerns. Several studies indicate that men are typically much less likely than women to seek professional help when facing psychological distress. The study authors suggest a number of factors for the disparity, such as the fear many men have of being judged as emotionally vulnerable or weak. Researchers also point to the fact that because men are trained from an early age to compete with other men, it makes them less likely to trust each other and reveal what they may perceive as weakness. I posed the question to several individuals who not only are behavioral health practitioners but who also have personal experience with misattributed parentage. Their thoughts generally mirror the finding of the studies, but they offered additional insights. According to Jodi Klugman-Rabb* a licensed marriage and family therapist and licensed professional counselor, ā€œSometimes it’s as simple as the gender role conditioning specific to cultural norms that men are not manly if emotional. Ā So expressing emotions is then seen as weak, making group process emasculating. Ā On a more micro level, emotional process can have a lot to do with the family of origin dynamics and whether kids were allowed or encouraged to explore emotions safely, how cultural gender norms influenced that and to take it back out on a macro level, how these expectations were transmitted intergenerationally.ā€

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  • AdoptionArticlesDNA SurprisesNPEsSearch & Reunion

    New Support Group for the Emotional Side of DNA Discoveries

    by bkjax January 26, 2021
    January 26, 2021

    Recognizing the challenges facing individuals who experience DNA surprises, Adoption Network Cleveland (ANC) has launched the DNA Discoveries Peer Support Group, a virtual peer support program focused on the emotional impacts of the journey and Ā It kicks off with a special panel on February 2 facilitated by ANC’s search specialist Traci Onders that will feature an individual who’s discovered misattributed parentage, a donor-conceived person, and adoptees who have found birth family. Onders spoke with us about the program and the personal journey that led her to working with ANC. How did you come to Adoption Network Cleveland and how did you become interested in this work? I started as program coordinator for adult adoptees and birthparents in 2016. I’d begun volunteering at Adoption Network Cleveland (ANC) prior to that because its mission was personally important to me. Adoption Network Cleveland advocated for adoptee access to records in Ohio for more than 25 years, and finally in 2013 Ohio passed legislation that opened up original birth certificates to adult adoptees. It’s hard to imagine this would have happened without the steadfast determination of ANC, and as an adoptee, I wanted to give back to the organization that made it possible for me to request and receive my original birth certificate. ANC is a nonprofit organization and has a reputation for advocacy rooted in understanding, support, and education—a meaningful mission to me. I was born to a woman who was sent to a home for unwed mothers to hide the shame of pregnancy from the small town in which her family lived. There was no counseling available for the grief of relinquishing a child, and she was told to go on with her life and forget about it. These homes no longer exist; we know now how awful and hurtful this practice, rooted in shame, is. My birthfather died a year later in a tragic accident. He was also an adoptee, raised as a son by his maternal grandparents. I will never know if he knew who his father was, but thanks to DNA, I do. I first searched for my birthmother more than 20 years ago after my children were born. Pregnancy and childbirth made me want to know more about the woman who carried me and gave me a deep understanding that she made decisions that had to be extremely difficult and painful in a way that I had not previously appreciated. I had complicated pregnancies and no medical history for myself or my children. As a mother, I felt compelled to know and understand more about both my history and my beginning. At that time, I discovered that the agency that handled my adoption, Ohio Children’s Society, had destroyed its records. I had no information at all to work with, and my search hit a brick wall. It was important to me that I connect with my birthmother in a way that was respectful. I didn’t know if she had told anyone she’d relinquished me, and I was concerned that if I hired a private investigator, the PI might use tactics that I wasn’t comfortable with or make a possible secret known to others, and that this somehow might hurt my birthmother or her family. Until I could request my original birth certificate in 2015, I didn’t have many options. In 2015, adoptees were finally able to access their original birth certificates in Ohio, and when I did this, it named my birthmother. I also discovered that I have a maternal half-sister. My birthmother and I reunited very shortly after that. I was finally able to learn her story and to gain a more complete and ongoing medical history. Knowing these things and my relationship with her have been blessings in my life that for many years I did not imagine would be possible. A few months later I met the extended family, and their warm welcome touched my heart.

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  • ArticlesDNA & Genetic GenealogyDNA SurprisesSearch & Reunion

    Q & A With Investigator Christina Bryan

    by bkjax January 5, 2021
    January 5, 2021

    Christina Bryan has an impressive portfolio of skills that make her exceedingly good at her work as a genetic and family investigator, but it’s her tenacity that drives her success where others may fail. Based in Marin County, California, she helps clients across the country cope with life-altering DNA test results and shocking family surprises, untangling misattributed parentage discoveries and locating their biological family members. Whether working with adoptees, donor-conceived adults, or others who’ve had a misattributed parentage experience (MPE), she employs an array of investigative strategies and doesn’t stop until she’s solved a client’s puzzle. A Portland, Oregon native, Bryan moved to the Bay area to go to California State University, East Bay, where she earned a bachelor’s degree in sociology and became a performance analyst in the investment banking field. But after she took an autosomal DNA test in 2014, she found herself on a new career trajectory. She learned about the science of DNA, applied it to her own family tree, and began using her newfound skills to help others solve the puzzle of their parentage or better understand their ancestry. It quickly became apparent it wasn’t merely a hobby; it was a calling, as the nickname her clients have given her suggests—Super Sleuth. In 2016, she began taking on complex cases for high profile clients and performing international and historical research. She’s in demand not only for her persistence but also for her intuition, which has helped her solve cases for attorneys and law enforcement personnel. She’s also co-host, with Jodi Klugman-Rabb, of Sex, Lies & the Truth, an entertaining and informative podcast about DNA surprises. Bryan knows her job doesn’t begin and end with solving a case. She’s likely to encounter clients experiencing stress, trauma, identity confusion, and intense emotions related to their change of status within their family and she offers comfort, humor, and emotional support. Here she talks with us about her work.

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  • ArticlesDNA SurprisesNPEs

    Q & A With Lily Wood, Host of NPE Stories

    by bkjax November 21, 2020
    November 21, 2020

    Tell us about your own NPE story to the extent you’re comfortable sharing it. Seeing only 1% French was the red flag in my initial 23andMe DNA report. I was raised to believe I was significantly French and Norwegian. A few months later I took the Ancestry DNA test to compare from the same database that my sister had used. Those results produced the most shocking and traumatic day of my adult life. I had a half brother appear on my DNA results, and I didn’t have a brother as far as I knew. AĀ trip over to my mother’s house an hour later produced more confusion, dismissal, and a host of secrets started to come out.Ā Apparently, my mother and BF worked together in the 80s and had a one-night stand. My mother never told him sheĀ got pregnant and never saw him again,Ā or at least that’s what I’ve been told. My mother still claims she didn’t know to this day.Ā I think the most painful part of finding this out is how my mother, birth father, and newfound family have treated me in the aftermath. How far into your own journey were you when you started your podcast? Six weeks after I had my DNA shock I published my first trailer for the podcast calling for NPEs to share their story and giving a launch date of July 2019. What compelled you to start the podcast? The only comfort I had in those first few weeks of shock was reading other NPE stories on the forums online. I was nodding along with their written stories and scrolling for hours and hours. I would read aloud parts of other NPE stories to my husband at all hours of the day and night. I wanted to be able to listen to these stories as I walked around the house and did my errands. I knew I couldn’t continue to sit in front of a computer the rest of my life but I wanted to bring the comfort of finding others like me everywhereĀ I went. I searched “NPE” on the podcast platforms and at the time did not find anything like it so decided I would produce my own. I realize now I could have used other terms and certainly found other podcasts with these stories on them, but with my limited knowledge at the time I was unable to find other podcasts. Did you initially find NPEs very willing to speak out, or did you have to coax people to share? I have only ever asked one guest. My first one I had to search for on reddit; I was too afraid to ask anyone on the DNA sites because I didn’t want to break the rules and get kicked off if they considered it “self-promotion.” After that I’ve had a pretty steady stream of people who reach out. I’m booked for 22 weeks out. I can only handle about one guest a week at this time because I do everything myself including scheduling, recording, and editing. I’m only a hobbyist—I’m literally learning everything as I go. I believe stories benefit the teller as well as the audience. From your experience sharing people’s stories, can you talk a little about the ways the stories help the listeners, and the ways telling the stories helps the storytellers? I know every story I record is sacred. Somebody out there is listening and nodding along in relief. A lurker, or perhaps a new NPE bingeing on stories all night long when they can’t sleep from the overwhelming grief they are experiencing. I get emails from listeners saying they have been listening or bingeing all night long to some of these episodes. As for the storytellers, I wish I could explain the relief, giddiness, and joy I hear in their voices after I sign off. Some of what they tell me afterwards is pure gold, but of course off the record after I’ve stopped recording. They all sound like a weight has been lifted off their shoulders; sometimes they’re exhausted and yawning. I leave every recording session feeling filled with empathy and love for my fellow NPEs. Why do you think storytelling and sharing is so important for NPEs? I don’t think most NPEs receive true understanding and empathy from people. We get it. We can empathize with each other’sĀ heartbreak, confusion, anger, and, sometimes, joy. Finding a community has been life-saving for me in this journey. In one episode you mentioned that you sought therapy after your NPE discovery. Can you talk about how you chose a therapist and whether it was difficult to find someone who understood NPE issues?

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What’s New on Severance

  • There Was a Secret
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After a DNA Surprise: 10 Things No One Wants to Hear

https://www.righttoknow.us

Call Right To Know’s resource hotline to talk with another MPE be paired with a mentor, get resources, or just talk.

Original Birth Certificates to California Born Adoptees

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erHylYLHqXg&t=4s

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Recommended Reading

The Lost Family: How DNA is Upending Who We Are, by Libby Copeland. Check our News & Reviews section for a review of this excellent book about the impact on the culture of direct-to-consumer DNA testing.

What Happens When Parents Wait to Tell a Child He’s Adopted

“A new study suggests that learning about one’s adoption after a certain age could lead to lower life satisfaction in the future.”

Janine Vance Searches for the Truth About Korean Adoptees

“Imagine for a minute that you don’t know who your mother is. Now imagine that you are that mother, and you don’t know what became of your daughter.”

Who’s Your Daddy? The Twisty History of Paternity Testing

“Salon talks to author Nara B. Milanich about why in the politics of paternity and science, context is everything.”

What Separation from Parents Does to Children: ‘The Effect is Catastrophic”

“This is what happens inside children when they are forcibly separated from their parents.”

Truth: A Love Story

“A scientist discovers his own family’s secret.”

Dear Therapist: The Child My Daughter Put Up for Adoption is Now Rejecting Her

“She thought that her daughter would want to meet her one day. Twenty-five years later, that’s not true.”

I’m Adopted and Pro-Choice. Stop Using My Story for the Anti-Abortion Agenda. Stephanie Drenka’s essay for the Huffington Post looks at the way adoptees have made unwilling participants in conversations about abortion.

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@2019 - Severance Magazine

Severance Magazine
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Severance Magazine
  • About
    • About Severance
    • From the Editor
    • Submission Guidelines: How to Contribute
    • Contact Us
  • Articles
    • abandonment
    • Adoption
    • Advocacy
    • DNA & Genetic Genealogy
    • DNA Surprises
    • Donor Conception
    • Family Secrets
    • Genetics & Heredity
    • Interviews & Profiles
    • Late Discovery Adoptees
    • Psychology & Therapy
    • NPEs/MPEs
    • Search & Reunion
  • Essays & Fiction
    • abandonment
    • Adoption
    • DNA surprises
    • Donor Conception
    • NPEs/MPEs
    • Late Discovery Adoptees
    • Search & Reunion
    • Secrets & Lies
  • Short Takes
    • Short Takes: Books
    • Short Takes: Film & Video
    • Short Takes: People, News & Research
    • Short Takes: Podcasts & Radio
  • Self Care & Coping
    • Coping Strategies
    • Self-Care
  • Speak Out
    • Micro-Memoirs
    • Your Video Stories
  • Resources
    • Start Here
    • Abandonment
    • Adoption
    • DNA & Genetic Genealogy
    • Donor Conception
    • Genetics & Heredity
    • Late-Discovery Adoptees
    • NPEs (Not parent expected) & MPEs (Misattributed parentage experience)
    • Psychology & Therapy & Coaching
    • Search & Reunion
    • Secrets & Lies
    • Self-Care
@2019 - Severance Magazine